Anybody Desperately Want To Tell About Trauma But Can't Until Asked

I have read a lot of posts about the terrible feelings about having to disclose trauma details for your t, although I am hoping this is simply not completely crazy. I am working with almost the alternative.
I have several 'issues' that I am aware of from an emotionally/verbally abusive step father to a grownup that I trusted in HighSchool as being a maternal figure that later revealed she had different ideas for the relationship... Then what's daily becoming more of a certainty that I have repressed very early neglect (I've always had terrors but am not hearing his and my style in my own brain and it isn't satisfying exchange of words)... I have NEVER told information on ANY of this stuff. I've described to two individuals who "something" occurred with this person I trusted which was the extent. I'm plagued short movie in my head of the ones I https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/anybody-desperately-want-to-tell-about-trauma-but-cant-unless-asked.57793/ - I want to talk, but cannot - recall by photographs and now these comments of what I believe.
Does this sound right to ANYONE? I understand I'd be REMARKABLY embaressed to convey what exactly I expect it'snot something sick building me want and I would have to to... But I am so worried we are going to spend years since he thinks I am afraid, tiptoeing round the specifics and that I am seriously attempting to spill the beans. I hope I could tell him this, however it is not allowed.
I am working with at and have found that I can not tell him ANYTHING if he doesn't ask. I have told him this and he's good at wanting to ask me questions. The thing is, I can also not tell him things to ask. I know it may seem completely crazy, however it is much like I am prohibited to only readily tell things-but I'm permitted to answer honestly. He's gone forth and back about 'running' trauma and then I think I am so calm about things going on he doesn't believe they are and starts to believe we must go another direction. I get so angry after I hear him obtain quite frustrated and talk about not addressing the trauma especially and need to stop trust about ever getting relief. It is like I AM AWARE I've to acquire these details out-but I cannot tell him that. I believe he's also concerned I can not handle working with the stress specifically as a result of my anxiety attacks, but I don't understand how to change any of this. He covers injury as you can and wanting to get it done with as small detail and I have learn about all these new solutions to take care of PTSD without detailed processing, but I want it bad.