Answered Prayers

     Ok, this is going to be part of a series of entries to remind me of prayers that have been answered for me. I guess the most obvious one is James. I prayed for more that 12 years for God to send me my soul mate. Someone who would love me for me. Appreciate me and the things I do for him. Someone who would love my daughter and be good to us both. And so on and so on. I can't even remember all the requirements that I had for this dream man. I just wanted a man I could share my life with. Well, for most of those 12 years, I was the one that made it, pretty much, impossible for God to answer that prayer. How is He supposed to accomplish this if all I do is wake up, go to work, don't socialize with the people at work (while I'm there or afterwards for that matter), go home, read, eat and watch movies until I'm ready to go to bed... You get the idea. Anyway, I had to be open to the social scene first, then be open to forming a relationship with someone I had things in common with. Well, all the details of the beginning of my relationship with James is in my journals here. So I won't worry about going into those details. This prayer was answered in the best possible way, God brought James and I together and I would not trade him for anything in the world. We complete each other... we're even told by complete strangers that they can see the special bond between us. How wonderful.     Next, I prayed to feel good about myself. To stop feeling suicidal and depressed. This is an ongoing battle, but a good example of how God answers prayers in a way that is not quite how you wanted him to. You see, I had to be snapped out of my comfort zone, i.e. home all the time, and pushed out into the world. I had to suffer a bit of emotional abuse by a few more people before I decided that I had to get help from a good counselor. I made my first appointment and they had assigned me another counselor. On the day I went in, for some reason, they decided to put me with Kate. Some kind of mix up that I still don't understand. This is my second answered prayer. God made sure I was with the right counselor this time. I got with a woman that I felt almost an immediate connection with. Someone who shows me that she does understand what I'm going thru. She tells me all the time that I am way ahead of the game. She's told me that I have an instinctive understanding for most of the material we cover. She's also told me that I am very eloquent in how I express myself and my thoughts. She makes me feel good about me, that I do have something to contribute. I am not worthless. I have a purpose.     Finally, I prayed for an end to the isolation I was in for so long. I don't know how to describe it, but when you isolate yourself from others, it is definitely something that intensifies every bad feeling you have about yourself and others. I was paranoid about everyone I came in contact with, thinking they were all out to hurt me in the end. I believed that my parents were terrible people who never loved me. Always put others ahead of me. I believed that I came second to everybody else. I truly believed that I didn't matter, and no one would even care, or miss me if I died. I really believed that no one would even come to my funeral... that I would just be buried without ceremony. I could go on and on with these thoughts too. I didn't appreciate how bad things were when I finally started coming out of this shell. Over one summer, I worked with an old classmate from high school. We started going out one or two weekends a month, that's when an old team leader introduced me to Shubby's. He mentioned to us and 2 other co-workers/ friends that we ought to stop by his favorite bar... so we did. Well, as that summer rode on, I discovered that she was a very dominating, controlling person and we would not be able to remain friends. She kept trying to hook me up with every single man we met. Some of them, I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Anyway, the first 3 men I dated over that time period were terrible and abusive. What I had to realize is this. I had to learn the whole dating/ going out and making friends thing over again. Unlike riding a bike, it is possible to forget the whole social game. God had to shock me out of my isolation. He brought a few people into my life that were rather pushy about getting me out of the house... which I needed at that time. Then he had to keep me out there to learn the whole thing again. It's funny that one of the first dance places I went to that summer was Shubby's. It's the place where I've made the most friends, and where I met my James. I guess it's a place like Cheers on TV. I go there for the people I love, and to dance with James and my friends. So that makes answered prayer #3. To have a life again, with friends and places to go. These three prayers answered by God in a way that is intertwined with each other. I am amazed to think how one thing lead to another, and I am thankful to God for where he has brought me so far.