A YEAR AND A HALF LATER.

Hi,
It has been almost 2 years since you died Dad. So much has changed. So much has stayed the same.
I feel so guilty about the way things were when you died. All my life I tried to show you how lovable I was, how worthy of your love I was, what a sweet, kind, caring person I was. You saw that as weak. You bullied me, belittled me, and beat me down. I still tried to make you proud, to love me, to see the real me. I hope you see the real me now.
I miss you so much. I'm so sorry I didn't turn out to be a Dr. or Lawyer. You were so disappointed in me when you died. I was a nothing. On disability for mental problems, poor, unmarried, no kids, just an old maid. One big fat nothing. A zero.
How you died, the suffering you went through, breaks my heart. The way you lived makes me proud, your accomplishments, your fame, the way people respected you and looked up to you. I miss being a successful man's only daughter. The way you treated your children, and your wives, makes me sad. But, I'm trying to get past that.
I do love you Dad, and always will. I know you loved me so much. You had OCD, and refused to admit it. We all suffered from your untreated illness, and it inevitably took it's toll on me.  
I wish things were different. I wish you would have gotten treatment for your OCD...for you, and for all of us. It is too late now. I'm so sorry you are gone Dad.