I miss You.

Dear Baby,
Mommy misses you every second. You gave me my first, real identity. I was growing into a real woman with you. Now I am lost. I thought I was doing a lot of things right. I am scared to read the Bible now. I read the Children's Bible that I bought you almost every day to you and the regular Bible. Those words couldn't protect you. I have reflected that perhaps they could have possibly even been a curse. Many years ago I went to the Bible to save your Grandfather, Randolph and he died anyway. The same night. Anyway your books are still here. I kept your clothes. I am empty. Daddy is sad and I think disappointed in me. I can't imagine how I was not strong enough. I tried so hard to stop bleeding. I kept making myself have hope. I hurried to the hospital. Your heart was still beating then. They gave me some pill for a urinary tract infection. Then I started bleeding a lot more. I am tired. Broken. I believe God has punished me. I am lost without you. As I said before, your mother now, and in time. Always in my heart. Missing you.