Surgery about three weeks away now and I’m pretty much ready to get it over with. I went to a workshop at the hospital last week and there’s no way I’m going into rehab after the hospital. I think I can convince them that I’ll have plenty of help so I can go home in 4 or 5 days. They were clear about the pain after surgery but I don’t see how it can be much worse than I have now. My only worries are that I won’t be prepared with my work caught up or my apartment cleaned and organized. I have a slight, irrational fear that I won’t have a job when I get back but I also know that doesn’t make any sense. Other wise, things are about the same. My plan is to just keep my head down and work as hard as I can until the surgery and then be able to work even harder and get more done when I get back. I’ve accepted that this is how it has to be since I can’t cut it in my personal life. This is why I just wish the wreck I had in my early 20’s had killed me or if I don’t make it through the surgery that would be ok.