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Sometimes I think I'm just a psychotic jerk.
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Why would you write that? What are you thinking that brings you to that conclusion?
Because I push everyone away even though I want help, I\'m always depressed even though I can find many reasons to be happy, and I have dark thoughts every day that I can\'t shake.
What do you want help from? You do not have any traumatic memories to tell us about and I continue to ask you to tell me what memories from your past are pushing you into thinking about suicide. I shared with you the reasons and circumstances that led to my suicide attempt when I was just 3 years younger than you are now...
In that context, share your memories that are leading you to consider suicide. The Space Camp thing doesnt make sense to me unless there is more to it. Showering in a locker room in a controlled environment is something that teenagers across the country do every day... There is either more to the story, or there is nothing to tell. Which one is it? I am honestly getting tired of asking. If you want help, give me something that troubles you...
Wanting help and needing help are 2 completely different things. Which one applies to you?
When I confronted you via email asking for the truth about your alleged traumatic memories that \"haunt\" you daily, you dont reply and close your Daily Strength Account. Time after Time me and other people ask you what you need help with and you dont tell us. You cannot answer the questions because there is nothing to tell. For an entire year you begged me and others for help and when we ask what you need help for you say nothing, then tell us its too hard to talk about, then you give us some story that doesnt make sense; your multiple suicide attempts sound impossible and rediculous, you go on and on about your alleged problems, complaining that no one helps you, and when we try to help you ignore us or change the subject and write new journals about something else.
I finally ask you to be truthful, I ask you to tell me if you really have any problems that you need help with, I ask you if there was really any traumatic memories you need help dealing with, and you close your account (again).
Your behavior suggests that you are not telling the truth, your description of how 2 of your multiple suicide attempts went wrong was impossible and another is just unbelievable. That fact alone doesnt rule out that you have real problems, maybe you lied about trying to kill yourself but you really thought about it and you do need help. But everything else leads to the conclusion that you do not really want help with anything, you never once interacted with me or my friend in a way that even hints at the fact that you want help.
If you reopen your account and you really do need help, then I would suggest being honest about things. Almost nothing you said makes any sense and you almost never do anything past the point of asking for help, being helped means you have to be receptive to what other people tell you, Being helped means you need to interact with the person helping you, waiting a week to answer a single question is not interacting, it is avoiding.
Be honest with yourself and with us.
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