i feel really awful this morning, and i have some emotions i need to get out, so i'm gonna write here.

i feel like, my mom is being selfish, and i'm seeing jealously.

my mom said something to me last night, that really upset me. i didn't let her see that it upset me, but i went to bed, completely sad, and i just couldn't wait to fall asleep.

my mom, being extremely overprotective of me, goes way back, to my childhood. i remember things.

i remember, when i was a kid, and i use to play with my friends outside. kickball, basketball, hide and seek... games that kids play. well, i remember, sometimes during the summer, my friends would want to go to the school playground, and they would walk there together. i i wasn't allowed too. it caused me to feel bad, that my friends, wanted me to come with them to the school playground, and my mom wouldn't let me. she was always busy around the house. i use to get picked on, by my own friends because i wasn't allowed to go to the school playground to play with them when i was a kid.

from my own friends, i use to hear things like, "oh, Chris can't leave his own street" and things like that... those words hurt me.

my mom, not wanting me to hang out with Amy and her friend, brings back those memories, of "me not being able to leave the street"

i understand, when i was a kid, my mom was in charge, but i'm an adult now. i can make decisions for myself.

my sister, she's 22. she likes this guy. this guy doesn't treat my sister well. He was supposed to come to my sister's 22nd birthday dinner at the chinese buffet.

well, he didn't show up. i remember my mom, hoping and praying he would show up so that my sister could be happy.

yesterday, i found out, that my sister and niece went to the pizza restaurant to visit him, and also, to visit his friend and his friend's girlfriend. They were chillin there.

i'm thinking, wow! my mom didn't want me to go hang out with Amy and her friend, but my mom supports my sister and niece going to see that guy (who didn't show up at her birthday dinner), and his friend and his friend's girlfriend.

last night, my mom said something hurtful to me. i feel so bad about it, i don't even want to mention it.

there's been talk of me possibily having my birthday dinner at the pizza restaurant, or the chinese buffet. i haven't made up my mind.

well, last night, my mom said, and this hurts me so much... she said, "where ever you decide to have your birthday dinner, i don't want that girl Amy coming"

that really hurt me.

am i supposed to be miserable my whole life?

my own mom, who i've always been loyal too, can't be happy for me. My mom not being happy for me, is far much more painful than the pain i experienced for 4 years that obsessive compulsive disorder caused me.

why can't my mom be happy for me?

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Moms can be messed up at times. You did not mention your dad. Did he pass away? If your mom is alone she may be inadvertly trying to isolate you from people to keep you as a companion. I know my mom did when I was living with her. My dad died when I was 13yo. I basically ended up being my mom\'s friend. I introducted to the internet and that helped me alot, she started meeting people online and coversing.
deleted_user
deleted_user

my mom was overprotective also. i could not go on the train when all my friends could.. i did not listen. i was rebelious. tell your mom that amy is important to you and you want amy to attend. tell your mom that amy is a part of your life now just like your mom is. dont tell your mom anything negative about amy becasue that will just re inforce her point of view. did you maybe tell your mom some things about amy that put her into thinking amy is a no no?
it maybe time to stop confiding in your mom about amy and talk to someone else about amy if you need to. you need a boundary between you and your mom about amy. this is not a 3 way relationship. there is you and amy and you and your mom.
it will be a turning point if you stick up for yourself and have amy come to your dinner. do it nicely but do it.
ps your mom is not mean or cruel, just a big worrier. tht is her problem not yours. your problem is to get amy to your party. also do not focus on your mom is not happy for you. tht is not in her head. wht is in her head is danger, worry, concern. not rational thoughts. her mind is racing with fear. dont encourage her. just tell her that it will all be a lovely party with mom and amy.
deleted_user
deleted_user

thanks for the comments. Newtonian, my dad is alive, and he\'s not around much. he works 2 jobs. i see him, on average, about an hour a day. he works and works and works. i\'m around my mom a lot. i think getting a job would be good, because i\'d be out of the house more. Marcia, my mom thinks Amy is \"pushy\"... but, i don\'t think she is. she wants to spend time with me, and i love that she does. Amy did want me to lie to my mom about going to her friend\'s house yesterday. i couldn\'t lie to my mom. i talked to my mom about everything (i\'m an honest person)... Amy even said, \"sorry for causing problems\"... i told Amy, no way! don\'t say sorry, everything is alright. my mom, she changes moods a lot, and it confuses me. supposively, it\'s alright now for me to \"chill with Amy\"... my mom confuses me.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I agree with marciayourconfidencecoach, it\'s important that you stand strong on this issue of Amy being at your birthday dinner. I think it could be a turning point. If your mom sees she can\'t control you anymore maybe you can then have an adult relationship, which is how I believe it should be once a child is 21. I understand your moms fears, but while there are dangers out in the world, there is so much more good and by protecting you from dangers she is holding you back from life. I thought maybe you were the baby in the family, it\'s strange to me that she allows your younger sister to do as she pleases, especially when this young man has shown who he is by his treatment of your sister. Stand strong my friend~hugs~
deleted_user
deleted_user

uh, geez Chris run run boyman run!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My biological mother and I have no contact for the past two years and it has been one of the best things to happen for me. Not that that is what you should lead towards. I always felt like I was carrying around a raw egg trying not to drop it. Well, when you become chronically ill ... things become quite black and white. There is no gray area. I dropped that egg so fast and haven\'t looked back. If something is not contributing to your life in a positive way let it go. Sounds like she is more dependent on you. Sounds as though she feels no control over her life and she has pegged you for that fullfillment. Don\'t give up on her but first you need to focus on your development emotionally and more without her input for a while. I gave my mom all I had in childhood now I have nothing left to give not even a hello or go to hell. If I was you I would skip THEIR birthday for you. Go to dinner or do something with Amy. Arrange a table way back for privacy. Go at a not busy time. Tell no one. Let your mom make her plans and then you follow your heart. Man she and you are allowing her to run you down. I\'m sorry. It will change when you\'ve had enough. I moved out at 16 asap to escape her self-glorification/selfishness. Of course, she always would say, \"I just want to do what\'s best for you\". WRONG. She wanted what she wanted then and now and there is much hurt in her wake. I was like an accessory. Not a child to be loved, hugged, disciplined, and played with. I absorbed much of her depression and just left her alone as a kid. Trying to be the \"good girl\" never complaining or allowed to show my opinion or discontent with our lifestyle or constant moving. Your gonna make it. It will get ugly with your mom but you may end up closer friends in the long run. I won\'t be at Carol\'s funeral (my mom). My mother who hugged me and took care of my sickness and played with me, tutored me, was my fathers\' mother LaValle. She is with me in spirit helping us through each hour. Clarke has seen her. She is Clarke\'s gaurdian angel. So I have peace. Happy B-day Chris