2049

My hands are worse today. I'm currently on... what, 750 mg of Depakote twice a day. Math is hard. So is typing. I mean, it's not like super "I can't do this", but it's getting more difficult.
What is my mood? I guess it's pretty good. But I'm afraid. The last time these people saw me was 2012, when I was much thinner, and looked healthier, and didn't have hand tremors or a bipolar diagnosis, and I didn't walk with a pronounced limp and a cane. I'm ashamed. Even though none of this shit is my fault, I'm still really ashamed. 
I've always walked slower than everyone else for the most part. But this, this is like... god.
My broken tooth is really bothering me today. I popped an 800 mg Motrin, but it's not improving. What triggered it? ALL THAT CANDY, DUMBASS. Never mind, I'm sure I can ignore it. 
Damn, I do this journal to track my mood. How is my MOOD? Nervous. Very very nervous. And trying hard not to get my hopes up. And to stay detached. And hoping at least one person isn't going to be there, even though I know better. Of course she will be. I have to try to stay calm. The mall is fun. I love the mall. Mall mall mall mall.
I'm not sure I can do this.