1Jn 4:4

I'm hoping that what I have experienced over the past few days will help someone else who finds themselves in this situation. I was so resentful and angry yesterday. I've spent countless hours on the computer and on the phone with Amy, apt mgrs, ands her father. I had given Amy the phone number for the DAV's months ago so that she could get  help because her husband was still collecting money for her and not helping her at all. I finally called myself and found out that she could have filled out an apportionment claim months ago, which would have helped her tremendously. I called Amy at the hospital before they started her infusion and gave her all of the information,etc. I also  told her about the apartment that I'd found..etc. In addition to that, I pretty much stayed home to talk to her on and off throughout the days when she is having her infusions, & then check up on her while she is at the motel..just to make sure she's ok.  Meanwhile, I am waiting at home because my husband's job proposal is going to be "overnighted." This is week two...and it still isn't here.  He has been hired, but it is not official until he takes a physical and gets his blood work done and officially accepts the offer. I was becoming resentful and angry by the end of Tuesday. Festering in silence....until....
Amy went over to look at the apartment yesterday and said it was very nice..no tub, but updated shower..which is "ok." Then she said that they had a hotel size fridge that she wasn't going to work for her. Told her that I didn't have money for a new fridge right now. I'd already heard her complain for two days prior to yesterday about Tim and how he isn't helping her, about all of her debt problems and her anger and resentment towards Tim for not helping her after 22 yrs of marriage. This apt is fully furnished, small, but just right for her. Then she started in about how she didn't have money for dishes, cleaning supplies, being threatened with a repo for her car....and so it went on & on. I finally said in my (deadly calm voice.) "you can go to the dollar store and get all that you need." By the time my husband came home, I was livid..and yes, I shared my thoughts using a few curse words, (S**T) boiling over with seething anger and resentment. I sometimes feel like people think because I am home, that I have nothing better to do, than to take care of everyone's problems and deal with everyone's issues by phone, over the internet, etc. I am the kind of person who keeps things to myself until I hit a boiling point..then I explode.
This is a perfect example of how satan can get in and take a blessing and turn it into resentment and anger..and I allowed it to happen.  Instead of rebuking those feelings, I got caught up in them. Here, God has blessed my husband with a new job. We found an apartment for Amy that is affordable and know that she will be safe, and her dad is going to split the cost with me. Our bills are paid for. We have a roof over our heads, food in the fridge...abundant blessings from God. It's also a blessing to be able to help Amy. As soon as she started complaining..I should have spoken in a soft voice and reminded her that right now, God has brought everything together so that everyone of us was experiencing God's hand at work in our lives and that despite some minor things to work out..that we are blessed. I felt so ashamed of myself this morning...and had a long talk with God, asking for His forgiveness. It's so easy to let  a sliver of anger or resentment slip in, & allow satan to rob you of the joy that God has blessed you with. Just because you are a Christian, don't expect that everything is going to be perfect. The more God does for you, the harder satan has to work to take away those moments of joy...and he is tenacious...and knows when your frustration level is on the brink...and all he has to do is give you a little shove into the wrong direction adn ZAP!  Our journey through life isn't easy....but it can be joyous...even during those trials we face. 1Jn 4:4 says "Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world."  I've let the Son~shine in today..and boy..it sure does feel much better!
Went to WalMart this morning...was so hard to get through the store today. I thought I was going to toss my cookies and pass out. I was so unsteady..had to get to a line and check out and get home ASAP! Just pushing myself to the limit for the past few days ignoring my triggers by being on the computer and phone too much. I'm going to take Gracie to the bottom of the hill before it gets too hot. Am walking in faith....