Update

It has been awhile since i have journaled anything.  I got to the point that I was sick of hearing myself complain about the same thing over and over again.  I was listening to Mr. R. Kelley's  song, "When a woman's fed up".  Well this applies to whoever it applies to.  When a womans fed up, there ain't nothing you can do about it.  It's like running out of love, and it's too late to talk about it.  I am here at this point in my life.  I have become fed up.  Although i have loved this man for a long time, my love has drained so much to the point that I cant allow myself to turn back.  His sweet nothings men nothing to me anymore.  I am realizing that when i dont give in, he either gets to the point of being so angry, that he could spit nails or he will settle down and move on.  i have experienced both with him.  he has been so angry that i was afraid of what he may do.  So angry that he would say some of the most hurtful things that any human being can say to another.  I have gotten to the point that I decided that I am not going to change my phone numbers, or email addresses for the simpe fact that he is still controlling me.  This is my life and i have taken it back.  He has sent text and  called leaving hurtful text and voice mails.  I find if i dont respond to them, they cant hurt me, and eventually he will settle down. 
the paperwork is completed for my divorce, all i have to do at this time is pay the fee.  this will take place in a month.  However, it may seem like a long way down the road,but, i'm getting there.