Yesterday was the first month anniversary of the loss of my son Chris.  I wasn't looking forward to waking up much less trying to get through the day.  But for some reason - for the first time since he left us - it was the first day I didn't cry - even when his dad and I went to the cemetery to put flowers on his grave - it was the first time I didn't cry.  Actually I was a little calmer yesterday than I have been since the 10th of Dec - but at the same time - that scares me a little.  Now today on the other hand - I cried all the way to work.  Such a roller coaster ride - not the best feeling in the world. I have had so many wonderful comments and hugs and words of support from several of you mom's on this site - and I am so very thankful.  It's easier to talk to someone who knows exactly how you feel and can relate too.  I know I have so many more emotions to go through and I'm not looking forward to that. I still feel like I am waiting for him to come home just any minute now.  I actually picked up my cell the other day to call him to tell him what his dad and I were going to do with his grave!  I called him for everything and he did the same - but I couldn't believe I was going to call him for this. I'm still trying to figure out what I am going to do "with the rest of my life" now.  I have no clue.  How do you plan the rest of your life when your child is no longer here to live it with you.

Replies

JennsMom66
JennsMom66

At least for now you don\'t have to plan anything... for now you can just be... for quite a while I could not \"plan\" beyond the hour or day, much less tackle the \'rest of my life\', I still can\'t think that far, but I have started to think of a few months in the future, even a future that does not allow me to talk to or hold my Jenn.
NoraMc
NoraMc

I feel the same way. I wait for Morgans call, she called every day. We also went to the cemetary yesterday, I cried, written in the snow was \'I LOVE YOU\' right next her. Stay in the moment to moment, tommorow will wait. peace to you Nora
deleted_user
deleted_user

They say that life happens while we are busy making plans. Making plans for the rest of our lives can be overwhelming, so I try to plan for today and the short term. Peace and blessings to you, Pat
RememberKala
RememberKala

Funny how weird it feels the first day we don\'t cry... Seems we struggle and struggle with how to begin some sort of healing and then when it begins we go, \"wow, what\'s up with that?\" One thing I know for sure, we can plan all we want, and some sort of plan is necessary, but we can not control anything other than our words and deeds. I can\'t tell you how many times I\'ve grabbed my cell to call Kala and tell her about something. I think it\'s something we all do. I don\'t reach for the phone any more....I just start talking to her. I\'m sure people I pass on the road think I\'m crazy, but who cares. I know who I\'m talking to and she hears me, so that\'s that. And I did ask her about her cemetery marker. I wanted to say FOREVER 17.....she said NO, I\'M 18 NOW. So, I left that part off. In a way, I think it\'s kindda cool I don\'t have text her any more...I hate texting....now all I have to do is open my mouth and start talking. But remember darling, I\'ve got 3 years on you on this journey. Take care my dear friend, love, Teri.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Today is 7 months my son has been gone. I was telling my sister yesterday, that I had not cried for 2 days since he died. I choke up and still am so angry. Today, I cried. A lot happened today that just brought everything back to what happened. It is a weird calm when you first do not cry but \"IT\" is never far behind. When there is something going on in my life my first instinct is to call my son, but just as quick realty slaps me in the face. I do not know what the future holds for me or you, but I do know all the Moms here have a lot of wisdom and support to offer. I wish you peace, Mary
deleted_user
deleted_user

today marks 43 months without my son. i still count them. and i still remember the day like it was yesterday. some i cry on and some i don\'t. i hear you, sometimes i even think of calling Reece or remembering something to tell him. i call those \"phantom thoughts.\" you are doing just fine, honey. all you can do is take it one day at a time. and we are all here for you any time. i promise. love you! {{{hugs}}}
KellyLee105
KellyLee105

My experience from where you are in the grieving process was, what ever question I asked, was not the answer I wanted to hear, I attented to ask the same question over & over again, until I felt like I was going crazy. Yes, You do feel like your gonna lose your mind, but your not, its part of the grieving process. If You can fined a person, a friend, THIS GROUP! Journaling your daily feelings, every day will help you the most, B/C all of us MOMS have been where you are at, Right Now. The feedback you get from other moms experiences, will help you get through the toughest times..If it wasn\'t for this Dailystrength website, I don\'t know where I would be today..I can\'t believe I made it this far (3 1/2 years sense my Son has been gone)I didn\'t now how I was gonna live without my son either. Some how out of no where, something happens, and it does get easier. I never ever thought it would get easier, but it does, I promise!! Hang in there! Love, Kelly