Yesterday was the first month anniversary of the loss of my son Chris. I wasn't looking forward to waking up much less trying to get through the day. But for some reason - for the first time since he left us - it was the first day I didn't cry - even when his dad and I went to the cemetery to put flowers on his grave - it was the first time I didn't cry. Actually I was a little calmer yesterday than I have been since the 10th of Dec - but at the same time - that scares me a little. Now today on the other hand - I cried all the way to work. Such a roller coaster ride - not the best feeling in the world. I have had so many wonderful comments and hugs and words of support from several of you mom's on this site - and I am so very thankful. It's easier to talk to someone who knows exactly how you feel and can relate too. I know I have so many more emotions to go through and I'm not looking forward to that. I still feel like I am waiting for him to come home just any minute now. I actually picked up my cell the other day to call him to tell him what his dad and I were going to do with his grave! I called him for everything and he did the same - but I couldn't believe I was going to call him for this. I'm still trying to figure out what I am going to do "with the rest of my life" now. I have no clue. How do you plan the rest of your life when your child is no longer here to live it with you.