One of the difficulties I have is that I seem to view much of my life through his critical and judgemental views. I call in the N filter. It is as if everything that I do, think about doing, attempt doing, want to do, goes through this filter which is basically the way he would respond to my talking about it, or doing it. I absolutely detest this, as I feel as though it is impossible to find MYSELF with this filter in operation. If I do follow through and do the things anyway I have mixed emotions due to my thoughts of critisism and trying to enjoy it but the judgement is so strong and negative that I can not get much enjoyment out of it. Does anyone else experioence this? Is there anything that anyone knows to do to prevent the filter from being there? Thanks to any responses!
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