Aragh! I just need some feedack on my situation. This will help me just by typing my feelings down and getting it all out. I have been seeing a man for almost 2 years this Summer. I knew him 20 years ago and we had a fling then, our chemistry and passion has always been intense!! Thus when we reconnected the flames fanned higher and higher but now I feel the burn of his personality and feel he might be somewhat narcissitic.
I have always been obsessed with him, and he knows that. That obsession became more so in the beginning of this relationship. My obsession has calmed down alot since reading WWLTM. I have always thought highly of him and respected him. But things are changing and my gut is screaming at me and I am having a hard time listening! But I guess I don't want to face the reality of my sitiuation as I love and care for him so much. (but shouldn't I love and care for myself more?) I am begining to feel that he doesn't love and care for me the way he says he does. I feel that the words he tells me lately are fake and not sincere.
We spent Monday night together. We usually spend two nights a week and every other weekend together when we don't have our own kids. I was expecting to see him on Tues, even though we had not made plans, seems like it was a given since we would'nt be seeing each other this weekend. I texted him on Tuesday evening around 9:15, just a friendly, "I hope you are having a nice night" ( I was thinking he might be at his Codependent meeting) He texted back a picture of some food he had cooked,said he was on the way to a couples house to meet "others" to get together. My feelings were hurt! I texted; "Thanks for the invite" he said, "9:30 on a school night ( I work in the school system) is'nt a time for me to tempt you into exhaustion" Still, wouldn't an invitation be nice? I am a big girl, couldn't I make my own decisions? In the two years we have been together he has NEVER invited me to a social event, or introduced me to his friends! I have met ONE friend and that was because I happened to be at his house when the guy came over. Anyway, if he was going out with the guys that is one thing, but going to a couples house with other couples and "others"?? He has said in the past "your life is better off not entangled with mine"
He says we are an 'item" we are "dating" monogamous etc..he loves me so much! etc.. I am begining to think it's all a lie. He is full of himself and is always looking to see how many "Likes" he gets on FB from his posts!!! He has told me from the begining that he is not "the one" for me etc..but that he is not stringing me along. Well, then why tell me all these sweet nothings and build me up and support and encourage me?? I am afraid he is seeing someone else. I would be so hurt if I found out. I am mad as fire at the moment. He tried calling me yesterday but he knew I was working and I didn't answer, he never leaves messages either, so he has only texted since Tuesday. Even once he knew I was home and could talk on the phone he texted! Maybe he knows he has done something. Damnit! I am tired of trying to figure him out. I get such mixed messages! He wants to have his cake and eat it too! I thought I only wanted him, but now I am keeping my eyes open for someone else and will become wiser to these ways of narcissictic men! he fits the profile, especially the passionate intense sex, sometimes he even seems angry during sex, he gets this look in his eyes like he's not there. At first I thought passion was flattering and sexy but now I see it's just for his own good. I feed his ego and he only comes around when he wants sex. I don't like feeling used. He seems to always be putting words and thoughts in my head of how I am feeling. My sister says he is manipulating me. ARAGH! I feel so stupid for falling for him again!
Do we WWLTM attract narcissists??
If I try and talk about any of this with him he will try and turn everything around. He has always said HE was the VICTIM in his previous marriage, SHE was the one with the personality disorder. Now I am thinking it's him! I just hope I can be strong and resist him! He has this way that makes me melt and forget his bad behavior. But this is the last straw, my girlfriends say that I deserve much better treatment. So do I just try and forget the way he made me feel so good, and the things he has said to me? I don't want to lose him forever, do we stay friends? I don't know if I am strong to cut all ties right now. I do feel comfortable backing off. I feel good now but don't want to panic later. My first plan of attack is to be busy with my own plans if he calls or texts and wants to "hang out". Seems like I am always available for him, but when I need or want to be with him, he's not available. I get the feeling that I am a "last resort" if he has nothing else to do or no one else to see then he contacts me.
blah..I was so blinded in the begining, now things are becoming clear.
I'm in the middle of an anxious period.(covid, friend passed and dog passed) Does it take time to recover from these periods? And what do you do to make things easier.
Hello! I just read the book by Robin Norwood and I definitely can relate to so much! I've dated many impossible men and now I'm focusing on changing myself instead of trying to change an emotionally unavailable man. After quarantine life is over, I will get back to dating, but won't ignore the red flags this time :)