I broke up with my ex b/f on March 6. It's hard to go over all the details of the relationship, but suffice it to say it was a good thing to break it off. We had been going out off and on since May of '09, and in March, I really hit my saturation level....So I broke it off with him. In the past he would come to my place when I would refuse to get back together with him, and the close proximity with him would make me weaken. This time, however, I refused him entry, even though he made a real fuss. He learned from that that he couldn't use that approach any more. We haven't seen each other since March 6. We have talked a bit on the phone; the last time we spoke was 2 weeks ago. I have been making a concerted effort not to speak to him directly since, because I know it has a weakening affect on my resolve. Last week he started e-mailing me, and I would email him back. He was still calling and leaving me messages on my cell phone. Yesterday I decided it was time to make a full break: I blocked him from my e-mail and erased his email address so that I wouldn't be tempted to put it back in. I filled up my voice mail with affirmation messages from myself to myself ( I haven't "listened" to them yet, but it prevents him from leaving messages in my box). While all of you who are reading this may be thinking "Yay! You go girl! Keep it up!" I am going through a new level of withdrawal--the level of absolute no contact. With e-mail, I know that he is thinking of me, even if I don't answer back. Now that I can't see if he emails me (and he won't know that I haven't read his emails, because his letter gets sent as if it was accepted by the email address), it will not give me that little high of knowing I'm still the object of his desires. Conversely, of course, not knowing whether or not he emailed me has the chance of not knowing that he has totally moved on. With my cell phone I can still see if he has called (if I have my phone turned on). The final step, of course, will be to simply change my cell phone number (embarrassing in a way, because I already changed it a month ago, but ended up giving it to him again). I know, rationally speaking, that it would be disastrous to give him re-entry into my life; all of the gains would be not only swept away in a minute, but the slow ascent to the top of the mountain would begin ALL over again....so I have to numb myself to this pain for a little while, and not think of the half-sides of him that I loved....anyway, thought I'd share. I've been on this site since January and have recorded my journey in my journal, if anyone would like to see the chronology of my breaking free.
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