I have been no contact since my birthday, December 1st, and my life has improved sooooo much! I almost feel like a new woman, most days anyway! My four year old son has been asking for daddy at night though and that is getting harder. His dad hasn't tried to contact us at all, which is typical. When we were together he could disappear for weeks at at time and would only be in our lives when I contacted him. But, how do you explain that to a four year old? It breaks my heart! The one weekend he did see his dad he came home stuttering so bad you could barely understand him. After he was home for about two hours though his stutter was almost non existent!!! But after a few days he started asking for daddy again at night. I know my Ex will see our son if I contact him. I can drop him off to his aunt so I don't have to even talk to or see my ex. I just don't know what is best for my son!!!! He loves and misses his dad. Everyday at Preschool I walk by the big huge sign talking about how father's should be a bigger part of their children's lives. Right now I just want to scream! I wouldn't change having my children for anything, but I made this big mess for my son, because I should have walked away from his dad when I was pregnant and raised him on my own. But I've beat myself up enough over the years and I don't want to give my power back to my ex. ugh!
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