Well I met another one. Another cop. Another abuser. Met him on facebook about a week or so ago. He called me about a week ago for the first time. He was drunk and had just been in a bar fight and almost got arrested (don't ask me how a cop gets away w/ this, you would think there would be some penalty). He said that it was the 19 yr anniversary of him killing someone at war and he was depressed. He seemed totally shocked that he had gotten in a fight and kept repeating that he couldn't believe that had happened and that he had gotten drunk. So I gave him the benefit of the doubt b/c of the circumstances. The next day he sent me a msg apologizing for his behavior and saying he hoped he could have made a better 1st impression and hopes I would give him a 2nd chance. So I did. We talked almost every night on the phone for hours, he was polite and always asked if he could call again the following night. I really felt an attraction toward him. Plus he is a SWAT cop which is like the hottest thing on earth to me. So we had our first date wed. He took me to a bar/restaurant for dinner. During our dinner half the freakin place knew him and kept coming up and interrupting our conversation to say hi to him and express how excited they were to see him. This got annoying, especially when one sat with us for like 10-15 min. We left and got in his truck and he drove around the area but couldn't think of anything to do so took me back to my car after just a few minutes. I was like "that's it?" He said he didn't know what we could do but that he hopes I wasn't too bored. He called during my drive home and said he had a good time. I was planning on doing a ride along w/ him next weekend. Then last night he calls me, drunk as hell again. Well he started by texting me saying he had done something really bad and was afraid to tell me. For 20 min I tried to get it out of him. He started making absolutely NO SENSE whatsoever. Even acted like he had no idea what I was asking him to tell me (after initiating the whole conversation). Then he called me and said nothing while I said hello hello hello. I hung up. He called back and I was already frustrated with him. He acted like he had no idea what I wanted to know and was making no sense at all. I could barely understand him, he was completely drunk, worse than the first time. It was impossible to even talk to him. He was acting like a jerk toward me. Told me I need to open my fucking mouth and talk more (even though I had done the vast majority of the talking during our date). I was just shaking my head like "omg, here we go again, I can't believe this is happening again, can't believe he's one of these guys"... I told him I had to go to bed and hung up. He tried calling 2 more times and I didn't answer. This morning he texted me asking if I was mad. I said "mad and disappointed". He responded by throwing a little text messaging tantrum and trying to spin it around to how I'm just looking for the "perfect" guy and I'm not gonna find it. Again behaving like a total ass. Told me to have a nice life. Then in the afternoon sent me more texts saying he was deleting me from his phone and facebook since I was angry. I responded saying "if that's what you want. sounds like you're the angry one". He said "you said you were angry". I said "more disappointed". He asked why. I said because of the way he acted toward me and talked to me and that I was hoping he wouldn't be like that. I said he doesn't know anything about me, what I've been through, or what I'm looking for. Then he started the apologizing bs. When I got home he had deleted me from facebook. I am just so disappointed that this doesn't seem like it will ever end. No matter how much work I do on myself, i still am attracted to these guys and nothing else. Will this EVER end???
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