Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
Hello all. I am new to this group and I hoping to find a bit of support and strength here. At this point, I am willing to try anything. I am in counseling and have also found my way back to church.
Here is my situation and any advice would be greatly appreciated. I was in a very emotionally abusive relationship for 6 years. My ex-boyfriend cheated on me several times and, yes, I stayed way longer than I should have, which should be clue number one about my willingness to put a man's needs and wants before my own. Anyway, I eventually found the strength to leave and did so in April. It was not easy, but with the support of my friends and family, I did it.
About a month after I left my ex, I met another man. I wasn't looking, but we were introduced by mutual friends. Actually, I resisted his advances for a little bit, but found myself attracted to him in ways that I hadn't been attracted to my ex. We became friends and then we began being intimate. Throughout the summer, we spent time together, but mostly in groups with other friends. By the end of the summer, he told me that he and his ex-girlfriend were going to try to reconcile. It broke my heart, but I remained his friend.
A week ago, he called me to tell me that he and his ex-girlfriend were not going to work out - that there were too many issues between them. And he and I shared an awesome week together, doing a lot of things one on one, unlike in the summer. I opened up my heart to him a bit more that I had over the summer months, believing that, maybe, this might finally be my chance to be with him. I also began to do things for him as though he was my boyfriend (cooked him dinner, bought him a few things at the grocery store, etc..).
Last night, I noticed that he was very distant from me - he was all about spending time with his friends. He also advised that he would not be able to see me this weekend because of prior plans with friends. When I tried calling him today, he did not answer and he is not returning my call. I am doing everything in my power to keep from calling him again and to push him to see me.
My thought is this: I want him to be my "boyfriend" and I want a commitment right away. My guess is that he is not ready for this yet. I think I may be loving him and giving him way too much for only begining to test the waters of this relationship. As a friend said to me today, "Why buy the cow if you can have the milk." I also think spending so much time with him has scared him and that he is worried about losing his friendships. I worry that he might be getting back together with his ex-girlfriend, since he's already done that before.
As you can read, I have a lot of issues with trust and with my self-esteem. Right now, my anxiety level is so high that I am writing here instead of working because I can't concentrate on work. If anyone has any thoughts or any advice, I would love to hear from anyone willing to respond.
Thank you so much.
Shawna
Here is my situation and any advice would be greatly appreciated. I was in a very emotionally abusive relationship for 6 years. My ex-boyfriend cheated on me several times and, yes, I stayed way longer than I should have, which should be clue number one about my willingness to put a man's needs and wants before my own. Anyway, I eventually found the strength to leave and did so in April. It was not easy, but with the support of my friends and family, I did it.
About a month after I left my ex, I met another man. I wasn't looking, but we were introduced by mutual friends. Actually, I resisted his advances for a little bit, but found myself attracted to him in ways that I hadn't been attracted to my ex. We became friends and then we began being intimate. Throughout the summer, we spent time together, but mostly in groups with other friends. By the end of the summer, he told me that he and his ex-girlfriend were going to try to reconcile. It broke my heart, but I remained his friend.
A week ago, he called me to tell me that he and his ex-girlfriend were not going to work out - that there were too many issues between them. And he and I shared an awesome week together, doing a lot of things one on one, unlike in the summer. I opened up my heart to him a bit more that I had over the summer months, believing that, maybe, this might finally be my chance to be with him. I also began to do things for him as though he was my boyfriend (cooked him dinner, bought him a few things at the grocery store, etc..).
Last night, I noticed that he was very distant from me - he was all about spending time with his friends. He also advised that he would not be able to see me this weekend because of prior plans with friends. When I tried calling him today, he did not answer and he is not returning my call. I am doing everything in my power to keep from calling him again and to push him to see me.
My thought is this: I want him to be my "boyfriend" and I want a commitment right away. My guess is that he is not ready for this yet. I think I may be loving him and giving him way too much for only begining to test the waters of this relationship. As a friend said to me today, "Why buy the cow if you can have the milk." I also think spending so much time with him has scared him and that he is worried about losing his friendships. I worry that he might be getting back together with his ex-girlfriend, since he's already done that before.
As you can read, I have a lot of issues with trust and with my self-esteem. Right now, my anxiety level is so high that I am writing here instead of working because I can't concentrate on work. If anyone has any thoughts or any advice, I would love to hear from anyone willing to respond.
Thank you so much.
Shawna
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A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
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Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...
I classify myself as a Relationship addict . One of the signs of being a RA is that you either go from one relationship to another OR you are fine in between relationships but the MINUTE you start with a new guy, you are IMMEDIATLY HOOKED. She strongly advises a one year on a relationship break.
The new guy sounds like he has major intimacy issues himself. Whenever you get close, he backs away. Relationships should not make you feel clingly, anxious and insecure. Yet, since that is all we know, we think this is normal and we call it love.
Here is another book I would recommend with this type of guy:
Men Who Can Not Love by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol
You have already read the WWL2M book, so you know this, but just as a reminder:
Essentially, "women who love too much" are those who are always seeking love and affection from partners who are unavailable. Their unavailability may stem from such problems as their alcoholism, narcissism, fear and avoidance of intimacy, rage, inability to form lasting attachments.
Many women and men will get actually attached on the feeling of love, on the intense chemical revolution that is sparked within the brain by the projections awakened by this feeling and will engage in unhealthy forms of "love".
More often than not love is misinterpreted as attachment, illusion spiced with it's intimate friends - possessiveness and jealousy all along the ride.
Women who love too much are women who will keep investing in a relationship although all the signs tells them that they should move on. Women who love too much are those who give too many second chances, women that will hold an irrational hope that things will change or get better, even after years of progressive decline of the relationship.
Women who love too much are women who will keep giving and giving, without getting not nearly half in return, are women who misunderstand forgiveness with naivete.
I hope that you can make a healthy decision if this relationship is right for you. Good luck to you and welcome to the board.