I've been working with a therapist to try to work my way out of this crazy dysfunctional relationship. This relationship (even though he's married) has been going on for 20 years. we've gone to Aruba, we've gone to shows, he told me that i was the one who he wanted to be with. His wife is a drug addict and has been in and out of rehab over the better part of 10 years. yet i was still there for him. Things between us took a turn for the worse when he (after telling me he was leaving her for the umpteenth time) that he wasn't. We had a physical altercation, which i am ready to admit, i was mostly to blame...after he told me, of course, he would NOT leave his wife...after MANY times of him telling me he would and then would not leave his wife. We went to Aruba in Feb of 2010. I thought it was a breaking point in our relationship. turns out, for a year before that, he already had another girlfriend. I think i mentioned on this site that I may lose my job. Guess what. I was laid off on Thursday. I had hoped the job would last until the end of the year, but it was not meant to be. My birthday was July 12. He was going to come by with lobsters... ooops can't gotta work (he works a lot from home). Next week... no problem... following week, oh.. no can do (this is all before job situation), gotta work. then got laid off. "i'll come by tonight (Thursday, when i got laid off), nope. can't do that.. "will you come by Friday?" oh, no, I'm going out with friends from work. How about Saturday? Oh, i can't work is having a booze cruise... Me: so you're going to be with the same people on Saturday as you are on Friday?" yeah, but they don't like this particular guy, so I'm sort of a buffer for Friday. I'll come by Sunday... After many emails and anger... he (who is 50 years old) after the booze cruise, when to a night club for 20-something year olds and "damaged his hearing and was tired." Here I am, all alone, crying for the past 5 days, and he's too tired and deaf to be here? seriously? the other pall in all of this is that my closest friend, who was diagnosed with stage three ovarian cancer, is now, after 2 years, resting comfortably and out of pain. She would be the first person I'd go to after the notice of my layoff. I've lost my dad to my sister moving him away (we don't speak) and he was my biggest supporter, my closest friend is dying (and i would go to her with all my sorrows and pain) this douchebag can't or won't be there for me. My son just graduated from college (I'm a single parent) has gotten an apartment and moved his stuff out today. and I have no job. I'm 49 years old... and i'm afraid. I thought by this age, I'd be settled. Have a job, have an apartment, be done with tuition payments and FINALLY be able to save some money. I told the jerk tonight he was lucky that i wasn't some whack job that would contact everyone he knows on facebook and every other social network...but that i wasn't that kind of person. he said, "do what you have to do, but it only solidifies my never coming to your house again." can someone help me? I'm at the end of my rope. I have tomorrow off from work, but I have to go in for the next month. I keep letting this guy into my life.... how do i stop? how does anyone stop? thanks for listening. i have no advice to give... just looking for answers. I'm fucking lost... forgive my language. I don't know if i can take anymore. any advice is welcome. i don't even have the strength to look at old posts. i'm sorry.
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