Women who Love too Much Community Group

WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.

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Another "tool" that's freaking awes

This was in an email I got this morning from Rori Raye..... Her stuff sounds like she's focusing on relationship but when you get into the nittygritty, it's about focusing on a relationship with YOURSELF....FIXING YOU... and gaining the TOOLS to learn HOW TO fix you.....

___________
It requires you getting out of that mind set
where your man holds some kind of "keys" to your
happiness - and putting the keys in your OWN
hands.
And it requires an ATTENTION to DETAILS.
So - here's where "Painting" comes in - try
this:
1. Take a cup of water and go outside to a
tree, or a bush, or a flower, or a statue.
2. Now - you're going to use your fingers for
a "brush" - so dip your finger into the water,
and then "Paint" the tree, or the flower or
statue or the leaf, with the water - very, very
slowly and carefully - watching every single
stroke you make, FEELING every single stroke you
make, noticing every single tiny bit of the tree
bark, or the flower petal, or the leaf.
Go so slowly that you feel like you're going
in slow motion - and make sure you're AWARE of
every second that passes - and that ALL your
attention is on the water going onto the tree,
the flower, the piece of fruit hanging from a
branch.
Pretend the water is LOVE, and you're painting
this tree trunk, branch, fruit, flower, statue,
with LOVE - literally.
3. Now, imagine your man is standing in front
of you.
Put yourself in the Rori Raye Dance Position
(to get walked through the Dance Position and how
to use it everywhere, all the time so you'll be
an "Invitation" to your man, it's in my
Commitment Blueprint program):
http://www.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com/CommitmentBluePrint


...for now, LeanBack, open ("Unzipper") your
heart, arms down, palms out, focus on your
pelvis, relax your shoulders, smile.
Imagine him just STANDING THERE, smiling at
you.
Feel what you feel.
Now -
4. Go to a mirror and while you're watching
your reflection in the mirror, Paint Yourself.
Paint Yourself exactly the way you did the
tree trunk or the flower or leaf or statue.
Touch yourself gently and lovingly, and
experience each stroke as if it were magical.
Pay attention to what you see and what you
feel.
Paint each hair, each tiny bit of your face,
your shoulders, your whole naked body if you have
the time.
If you have only a short bit of time (please
do this Tool often)- really focus in on the
detail of one small part of you - your eyelashes,
your forehead...your shoulder...your mouth.
Keep breathing, keep Leaning Back, keep
stroking yourself slowly, carefully - each tiny
detail.
Pay attention to yourself - really get into
this process of Painting Yourself With Love -
moment by moment.
Now...
5. Imagine your man, or an imaginary man is
standing next to you.
Imagine he's watching you.
Let him watch you slowly and lovingly Paint
Yourself With Love.
Imagine him standing there, smiling, leaning
forward, and watching you Paint Yourself With
Love - and imagine he is MESMERIZED (because he
certainly would be if you were to Love Yourself
like this in his presence in real life...)
Now...
6. Carry this image and this experience around
with you EVERYWHERE.

Imagine yourself painting yourself WHEREVER
you are - in the market, at the drugstore, in the
restaurant - and EVERY MOMENT you're with your
man - and...this is important...
EVEN IF he's not even looking at you.
EVEN IF he seems to be distracted.
EVEN IF you can feel yourself being jealous or
upset or hurt by what he's doing or not doing.
Imagine him WATCHING you Paint Yourself With
Love, and imagine EVERYONE in the place ADMIRING
you for Painting Yourself.
Imagine everyone wanting to touch you and
stroke you or take out a brush and Paint You With
Love.
How does that FEEL?
What makes this Tool so powerful is that it's
so SPECIFIC.
It's something you can imagine in great DETAIL,
and that you can experience emotionally.
So - how will this make you more attractive to
him on a deep, emotional level?
Because a man is NOT INTERESTED in experiencing
you loving HIM.
He's interested in experiencing you loving
YOURSELF when HE'S loving YOU!
He's completely captivated by a woman who is
so trusting of him, so open to him, that she
could experience her deepest pleasure when she's
with him.
And this is what you want to do.
You will wrap him around your little finger,
and activate your powerful Inner Siren if you can
LOVE YOURSELF in HIS PRESENCE.
He will be "blown away," and never, ever want
to step away from you.

Replies

deleted_user
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Oh, by the way, the "dance position" is position one: square your shoulders, put one foot behind the other, and gently, slowly, lean back. SMILE. Take a deep breath, and again, keep SMILING. Relax your arms at your sides... and slowly turn your palms facing outward. And... SMILE. Breathe!

(totally works to make me feel instantly BETTER!)
deleted_user
deleted_user

What an AMAZING sounding exercise. I am going to try it this afternoon. Thanks for sharing!
deleted_user
deleted_user

How inspiring! Thank you, blessings, Vee
deleted_user
deleted_user

This was in an email I got this morning from Rori Raye..... Her stuff sounds like she's focusing on relationship but when you get into the nittygritty, it's about focusing on a relationship with YOURSELF....FIXING YOU... and gaining the TOOLS to learn HOW TO fix you.....
___________________________________________________________________
A real man doesn't want to be the center of
your world.

A real man wants YOU to be the center of HIS
world.

And, the only way you can do that is to let
yourself BE THE WAY YOU ARE.

So, here's a Tool, called HANG ONTO YOURSELF,
that's about not letting the Nasty Voice in your
head (the one that's beating you up and telling
you to pretend to be different than you actually
FEEL), push you around.

Try it this way:

1. When your mean, nasty Voice is telling you
something's wrong - notice it - but don't pay
attention to the ADVICE and JUDGMENT it's giving
you.

2. Don't pay attention to the Voice telling you
that you can't have what you want.

3. Don't pay attention to it telling you that
you WON'T have what you want.

4. Absolutely do not pay attention to it
telling you anything's wrong with you - that
you're not good enough, smart enough, pretty
enough, accomplished enough, you're not anything
enough - because that's a lie!

5. No matter how loud the nasty Voice is
yelling in your ear that you aren't everything
you want to be - THE VOICE IS WRONG!

THE TRUTH IS THAT YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL,
LOVEABLE, SMART, REALLY GOOD WOMAN, AND YOU DESERVE TO
HAVE THE KIND OF GROWN-UP MAN AND RELATIONSHIP
YOU DREAM ABOUT.

What I want for you is to believe this with
your whole heart, to believe that it is not only
possible, but the absolute total truth.

Everything I see with my clients and my own
life tells me this is true.

All my work and writing is to help you believe
in yourself.

Don't listen to the Voice running YOU down.

Listening to the Voice running you down is
what makes HIM seem so valuable, and that makes
you want to hand yourself over to him.

Don't let it get to you.

To help you listen to another, more positive
and inspiring voice, get a copy of my Heart
Connection Toolkit audio CD. It is a recording of
me walking you through visualizations, mantras
and exercises that will lift up your self-esteem
and replace that Nasty Voice.

Here's where you can click and replace that
voice that's bringing you down with a NEW voice
that will inspire you:

http://www.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com/Toolkit

So don't listen to the Nasty Voice.

Instead,

6. NOTICE why it's yelling so loud.

Notice what triggered it.

Did he say something that all of a sudden got
your nasty Voice all wild and crazy?

Did he do something that made you feel icky
for a moment?

That's a valuable clue!!

HERE'S THE TRICK TO HOLDING ON TO YOURSELF:

>>> When you hear the Voice, notice it.

>>> Notice that it's telling you that the icky
feeling you're feeling has to do with something
about YOU.

>>> Tell it it's lying, and that you're not going
to listen to it.

>>> Then, look for the trigger.

Maybe he said something that scared, annoyed,
or upset you.

Maybe you've decided your hair doesn't look
good.

Maybe your girlfriend just told you some glum
statistic about relationships (which are never
true, by the way), or you looked across the room
and saw a super-model type and some old nasty
voice tapes started playing in your head.

>>> Then, turn it all around, and tell yourself
the truth:

HE's the lucky one here, not you!

And, it's not just me telling you this - if
you really listen to yourself, you'll hear
another voice under the screaming nasty one.

It's YOUR VOICE, and it's telling you that you
are ENTITLED to FEEL GOOD around a man.

And, this voice is right.

You deserve a great man, a great relationship,
and to feel really good when you're with that man
in that relationship.

When you're "hooked" in to a baby-man, things
look very different then when you're with a man
who believes you deserve a great man, too.

With a baby-man, your nasty Voice will be
working overtime - screaming at you, rolling its
eyes, putting you down.

The voice will tell you he's better than you
are.

And, you'll start to believe the lies the
voice is telling you.

And then, things will start to look like this:

MAGICALLY - THE MAN WILL START TO TELL YOU THE
SAME THINGS YOUR NASTY VOICE IS TELLING YOU!

>>> He'll stop calling.

>>> He'll show up late.

>>> He'll call you at the last minute.

>>> He'll challenge you to show him that you're
worthy of him by standing up to him.

>>> He'll tell you what he doesn't like about
you.

>>> He'll flirt with other women and make you
feel second best.

>>> He'll try to get you more and more "hooked"
into him.

>>> And, if you give yourself away to him instead
of holding onto yourself, you'll start moving in
his direction.

Slowly but surely, you'll start doing things
for him.

Offering to cook, clean, run errands.

Understanding him and making excuses for him
when he treats you badly.

Changing your life around so you can make time
for him, even though the time and attention he
gives you isn't enough.

And the biggest clue?

>>> All of a sudden, your self-esteem will go
downhill.

You stop believing you look great.

You stop noticing how you feel at all, and
focus on how HE feels.

You hand yourself over.

AND, you may feel angry and frustrated and not
know what to do with those feelings.

You may even feel guilty for feeling so angry.

A REAL MAN WILL DO WHAT HE SAYS HE'LL DO.

A real, actual, grown-up man is so dependable,
you might be bored and want to drop him.

Please don't drop him just because he's
dependable!

Don't drop him just because he's responsible.

Dependability in a man is the greatest
starting point ever - and it should be a
requirement for any man who wants to date you.

You deserve that.

Truly, you do deserve to have a man you can
count on.

And right there, if you make dependability a
requirement, you'll disqualify all the little
boys!

And guess what?

You'll notice your nasty Voice calming down.

As soon as you start to notice how you feel,
and start making choices about men based on how
you feel about yourself when you're with them,
you'll feel safer.

You'll start to trust yourself.

And, your Nasty Voice won't have so much to
yell about.

It'll start going along for the ride.

Trust will start flowing.

JUST GIVE YOURSELF A BIG, HUGE, ALL EMBRACING
HUG. HOLD ONTO YOURSELF.

Expect your man, or the man you're about to
meet, to want to hold you tight, too.

He will.
deleted_user
deleted_user

This was in an email I got this morning from Rori Raye. Her stuff sounds like shes focusing on relationship but when you get into the nittygritty, its about focusing on a relationship with YOURSELF FIXING YOU and gaining the TOOLS to learn HOW TO fix you.

____________
The walls of our own defenses, the shell we
put around our bodies and our hearts to protect
ourselves that really only keeps LOVE out.

Learning to lower our walls and defenses and
be authentically who we are with a man and
choosing, as much as we can, the most effective
and magnetic words and body language, too is a
baby-step-by-baby-step process that never stops
over our whole lives - so you never have to judge
how youre doing.

To help you handle all of this - heres a Tool
called Love Poem:

1. Wherever you are, if you find yourself
spinning in your head, or just being grouchy or
holding onto irritation or anger or resentment,
or anything that seems to be capturing your
attention, STOP.

2. Sit down if you can - the floor or the
ground is the best place.

If youre sitting watching a movie with a man,
or eating dinner, or just talking with him - and
you want to try doing this right there - Lean
back in your chair.

If youre standing at a party or at work, or
in line at a coffee house - Lean back in the Rori
Raye Dance Position right where you are. Now

3. Just let words flow into your brain.

Instead of full sentences, or even Feeling
Messages, let the words be Poem-like and let
one word lead you to another in an effortless
way.

Heres an example of how this works for me:

Im walking in my neighborhood - there are cars
going by and people walking dogs, and trees and
sky.

I suddenly NOTICE that Im thinking about the
same things over and over, and that I cant seem
to get connected to the trees, or whats right in
front of me.

Its as if Im fighting against Being Present.

I just dont want to. It seems too hard.

So - I sit down.

I look around me.

I say in my head - or, even better - out loud,
what comes to me in little bits:

Trees sway, sky, dark asphalt, underground,
sad, feel breeze. Now

4. Allow these words to lead to other ones,
like a free-association - just let them
leapfrog around as images and wordsNow

5. Notice which words come from your brain,
from your neck up, and which seem to come from
inside you - your heart, your belly, your
shoulders.

When you feel a word that comes from your body,
youll feel more relaxed for a second. Now

6. Follow that word.

For example - Trees sway may lead to free
to fly to feel stuck to open to sad to
garbage to flying to disgusted inside to
sleepy to hungry now and so on and so on.

7. After about 30 seconds to a minute, youll
hit the thing thats really bothering you.

Well talk more about what that could be - but
its always something you were hiding from
yourself with all that stiff, from-the-neck-up-
brain-talk you were spinning in before.

Now - how does this bring a man close?

If youre feeling distance with a man, and
youre in the same roomdo this Love Poem Tool.

You can move to the bathroom or kitchen and do
itor try it RIGHT THERE, wherever you are, even
for 5 or 10 seconds.

Youll notice how quickly the tension in your
body lightens up, and your whole vibe will
lightenand whats pretty amazing is how quickly
HE he will pick up on the ATTRACTIVENESS of that
lightness and feel compelled to come CLOSER to
you.
deleted_user
deleted_user

*bumping to front page*
deleted_user
deleted_user

I love the Rori Raye material, thank you for posting!
deleted_user
deleted_user

oooo..goody...thanks for bumping this up. She's not a crack-pot, is she? (only half joking here..)
deleted_user
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I just pulled up another one. It was my favorite of them. Probably cuz it was really easy to do right after you read it. And I really did feel like it was helping me 'get it' as soon as I tried it.

It is called 'Instant Self Esteem . . .
deleted_user
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InDenial (I always want to write, Denali--guess that is left over from Alaska... ha!)

I don't think she's a crackpot, I bought three of her audio programs because the first one knocked my socks off. She's all about coming back to your OWN center, and it not being about THEM THEM THEM....

I love it. I really, really do. And when I listen to her stuff, DO the freaking tools she offers, I feel INCREDIBLE. Like I could take on the entire WORLD!

And slowly but surely, my inner core of strength has been increasing, bit by bit... and so has my trust in myself and in my boundaries. Her stuff is just AMAZING.
deleted_user
deleted_user

This was in an email I got this morning from Rori Raye..... Her stuff sounds like she's focusing on relationship but when you get into the nittygritty, it's about focusing on a relationship with YOURSELF....FIXING YOU... and gaining the TOOLS to learn HOW TO fix you.....

__________________________________

***To help yourself treasure yourself EXACTLY THE
WAY YOU ARE RIGHT NOW - even though you'll ALWAYS
want to learn new things, explore new ways of
behaving, speaking and just BEING - try this
(read how, first, and then stop reading for a
moment and try it):

Look away from your computer screen for a
moment.

Look at a bookcase, or a pile of papers, or a
book, or the phone, or a picture on the wall.

It can be a pretty thing, an ugly, practical
thing, or something in-between.

Look at it.

Really, really look at it.

Look at the colors - see that there are more
than one color - even if it's red or blue - there
are many shades of red and blue in the color you
see.

Look to see if light is shining on or bouncing
off the object.

Maybe there's a sparkle of light on one side,
and nothing on the other.

Look at the texture.

Feel it. See if it feels bumpy or smooth or
rough or soft.

Now check in with your body.

Do you feel anything, just from looking at
this simple object?

Do you feel judgmental?

Like - is it an ugly object, or old, or worn?

Does it make your mind go off in a million
directions about all the things you have to do?

Gently bring yourself back to the simplicity
of looking at the object and feeling it, and then
bring your attention back to your body and how
you're feeling.

Put a name to the feeling.

It could be sad, like a sad memory, it could
be happy, because you love that object, it could
be bored because you want to get back to this
letter.

Now tune into how relaxed or tense you are.

Now absolutely, completely ACCEPT whatever
you're feeling.

Absolutely ACCEPT the object EXACTLY AS IT IS.

Absolutely ACCEPT yourself, in this one moment,
exactly how you are, just like the object.

Now come on back to this eLetter.

What you've just done is one step, one small
but powerful step to Loving Yourself, that will
steadily undo all that self-hatred like Tammy is
throwing at herself.

And this is just the beginning, because what
you've done, really and truly, is BE VULNERABLE.

That's right.

That's all Vulnerability is - accepting
yourself in this one moment, and then letting
everyone around you - even that man you really
care for - see you EXACTLY as you are.

Just the way you really, really looked at and
ACCEPTED the object you worked with exactly as IT
was.

Vulnerability is not necessarily revealing
personal things about yourself.

IT'S NOT ABOUT HOW MUCH LOVE YOU GIVE A MAN,
BUT ABOUT HOW MUCH LOVE YOU GIVE YOURSELF IN HIS
PRESENCE.

And, the greatest thing about doing this very
small but powerful thing is that it looks exactly
the opposite of how we've all been taught to
think it looks.

It doesn't look timid or doormat-y.

It looks like self-esteem and confidence.

And all you did was look at what was right in
front of you, experience it, then accept your
most basic feelings of happiness or sadness,
without FEELING YOU HAVE TO DO ANYTHING.

This one simple thing will raise your self-
esteem.
deleted_user
deleted_user

hmmmm...that;s a pretty good review.. I might have to invest. hmmmm,...maybe the library has a copy. Thanks tlg! (Denali indeed...lol)
deleted_user
deleted_user

Wanted to post a response from Rori regarding a REALLY toxic man/situation (sounds completely like a WWL2M and a Narc)...
_________

You made a mistake with this man. He turned out to be BAD. Donât make more mistakes by trying to right this one. MOVE ON!!!

Okay, now how can we use this in less extreme situations?

1. First we figure out how to get our boy energy in gear. We put on our boy hats, get ourselves into action, get out there and do what we need to do to take care of business and take care of ourselves.

This could look like signing up on online dating sites, focusing on learning how to field the emails, phone calls, and first-meet dates with new men in a Circular Dating way.

This could look like Dating Yourself if youâre already in a relationship.

This could look like getting a better job, or starting a business, or getting out there and marketing the job and business you have to get more clients, business, and money.

This could look like handling your money, your surroundings, your clothes, hair and nails, everything in your life that is in the job description of your masculine energy.

This is about your inner rock, your inner tree, your inner boundaries, your all-over sense that you are OKAY, that you can take care of yourself, that youâll be alright.

This is the part of you you can lean on and trust.

Next,

2. We slowly open up our hearts 100 percent to what feels good, and we express and share what we feel.

This could look like, Sharing your feeling state with everyone and anyone, about everything and anything, in the moment, using Feeling Messages.

This is NOT exploding, venting, drama-making, attacking, criticizing, accusing, blaming, or any of the forbidden things my 4 Rules is all about (if youâre not familiar with my essential Tool of the 4 Rules, itâs in all my programs, because it is SO important, and you can get it the easiest in my ebook Have The Relationship You Want.

Itâs not about doing any of those things even in your head.

This is about feminine energy Expressing and Sharing.

And, for now, thats enough.

3. Just doing these 2 things will trigger your emotions.

Every step of the way, sometimes every moment, youll have to make the decision of whether you want to play safe and small and stay where youre comfortable back in the world of where you were and where you are, inside and outâ¦or whether youre willing to feel strange and uncomfortable, and new, and weird, and chaotic, yes, by feeling what you feel and moving forward anyway.

The decision I want you to make is to let your boy work hard in service to your girl. To encourage your boy to work hard for your girl.

Were all afraid that if we let our inner boys get strong, well make love, romance, and men in general irrelevant. But its just the opposite.

Its where we USE our inner boys and girls that make all the difference. Its where we choose action and where we choose being.

If we choose action where we should be choosing being, well push love away.

If we choose being where what we need is action, well stop moving, well feel paralyzed, and well feel weak and needy inside.

The key here is: Vulnerability is not weak.

Vulnerability requires inner strength.

Your inner boy has to be working hard enough so that your inner girl can let go.

And when you learn to do that, everything starts going right.

More on this later.

Love, Rori
deleted_user
deleted_user

bumping to the front page.... I need the reminder!!!!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user

Thanks for this. Its a great visualization exercise.

One thing that bothers me though is that if a guy is not paying attention/giving love when he is suppose to and it is reasonable to want the attenetion at the time, it is important to bring it up to him, or file it as red flag and dump his butt.