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9 Types of Abusive Men

Good morning Ladies,

Here is some excellent information from "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft.


1. Demand man

-has little sense of give and take
-exaggerates/overvalues his own contributions
-punishes you when he feels he doesn’t get what he is due
-when he is supportive/generous, because he feels like it and its self-serving
-if your needs ever conflict with his, he is furious
-believes he is above criticism
-believes you should be grateful for whatever he chooses to give
-believes you should not place demands on him at all

2. Mr Right
-believes:
-you should be in awe of his intelligence and look up to him
Intellectually
-your opinions aren’t worth listening to or being taken seriously
-if you sometimes disagree with him, it shows how sloppy
Your thinking is
-disagreeing with him is mistreatment of him
-if he puts you down long enough, you will see
-he knows how you should live your life


3. The Water Torturer

-can assault his partner psychologically without raising his voice
-uses a repertoire of aggressive conversation tactics at low volume including sarcasm, derision, and cruel, cutting remarks
-superior or contemptuous
-tends to take things she says and twist them beyond recognition to make her appear absurd
-gets to his partner through a slow but steady stream of low-level emotional assaults.
-convinces you and others that you are crazy and fly off the handle over nothing

4. The Drill Sergeant

-I need to control your every move or you will do it wrong
-I know the exact way everything should be done
-you shouldn’t have anyone else, or anything else in your life besides me
-I’m going to watch you like a hawk to keep you from developing strength or independence
-I love you more than anyone in the world, but you disgust me

5. Mister Sensitive

-I’m against macho men, so I couldn’t be abusive
-as long as I use a lot of ‘psychobabble’, no one is going to believe I am mistreating you
-I can control you by analyzing how your mind and emotions work, and what your issues are from childhood. I can get inside your head whether you want me there or not
-nothing in the world is more important than my feelings
-women should be grateful to me for not being like other men

6. The Player

-often starts to stall on moving in together or agreeing to be exclusive, even though earlier he couldn’t wait to get serious
-much of his satisfaction in life comes from exploiting women and feeling like a sexual animal
-even if he’s telling the truth, which he usually isn’t, his flirtatious behavior can be as damaging as actual affairs
-you will start to perceive any woman as a potential threat to you
-he is irresponsible, callous in dealing with his partner’s feelings, and periodically verbally abusive
-as the relationship progresses, he will go for long periods barely speaking to her, making her feel shelved
-his abusiveness can escalate abruptly if he is confronted or caught in his infidelities
-his partner is likely to focus on her hurt feelings over his infidelities and pour effort into stopping him straying and, in the process, lose sight of his pattern of abuse
-his promiscuity is symptom of a deeper problem: he is incapable of taking women seriously as human beings rather than as playthings. With that mind-set he will be a destructive partner whether he cheats or not.

7. Rambo

-it isn’t macho men women should watch out for, its violence and intimidation toward anyone, and disrespect and superiority towards women
-strength and aggressiveness are good, compassion and conflict resolution are bad
-anything remotely associated with homosexuality should be avoided at all costs
-women are inferior and here to serve men and be protected by them
-men should only hit women to keep them in line
-"you are a thing that belongs to me, akin to a trophy”

8. The Victim

-knows how to present himself as helpless and pathetic so you will find it harder to take your own life back
-everyone is always wronging him and he is always blameless
- "everyone has done me wrong especially the women I’ve been involved with”
- "its justifiable for me to do to you whatever I feel like you are doing to me, and even make it quite a bit worse to make sure you get the message”
-women who claim of mistreatment by men are anti-male
-I’ve had it so hard, I’m not responsible for my actions
-speaks in degrading or superior ways about his former partner

9. The Terrorist

-you have no right to defy or leave me. Your life is in my hands
-women are evil and have to be kept terrorized to prevent evil coming forth
-I would rather die than accept your right to independence
-the children are one of the best tools I can use to make you fearful
-seeing you terrified is exciting and satisfying

The Mentally Ill/Addicted Abuser
-abusers tend to go off medication before long

*an abuser may change so much from day to day, he doesn’t belong to ANY type*

Replies

finnmyway
finnmyway

i read that book and it helped me a lot!! did you take the time to type all of that out?? thank you so much!!! i have to go with the demand man thought probably he should be the addicted abuser.....actually he was an addicted abuser and kind of covered most categories though the demand category was all for certain.

good book.....it talks about how anger management courses don't work for abusers.
deleted_user
deleted_user

1,2,3,4,6, and 8 in one person.
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