and no one is awake yet! so i need to get it out... ex ex N (now i know thats what he is) showed up at 230am tonight at my apt door. i had blocked his number. i was deathly scared. he wouldnt stop knocking so after 30 min i answered after i told him i was going to call the cops. i had a phn in one hand, a knife in the other... until i knew he was calm. he was out looking for me every weekend hoping id show to our usual spot. i told him im trying to break from him, im done with being hurt all the time. he had me for a few secs, but the look in his eye wasnt real. he had a slight smirk the whole time. well i called him out on a bold face lie about the dating sites i discovered. all of which he was denying. then i said to him "oh so your out trolling for chicks everywhere and you contact me a month later because you couldnt hook up with anyone!??" he said, no, i havent been doing anything online. then i laid my trap... and said "well theres no way you can prove it to me? can you? well he might have been drunk because he logged into his email account. guys are dumb, so i looked at his sent and trash messages. started seeing messages all over the place to chicks on craigslist, dating sites, trying to hook up people on facebook in the past month. he bold face lied to me again. he took the computer away, closed it once i started reading them. i said "your going to come here after all this time? and still LIE to me???" and asked him to leave, that i was done... and then the kicker?? omg, you guys will all laugh.. he goes "maybe if you treated me better as a boyfriend..." i stopped him and go DONT EVEN TRY THAT SH*T W ME. and then he made some comment about..... my fat self. omg. anyways, he left crying and came back crying. THEN i open my computer again, he hadnt logged off..... and read about 30 messages to girls, emails to them saying he could fall in love with them, that he was lonely, hed save himself for them, trying to meet them for dinner. ect. tying to hook up with anyone basically. he was pretty desperate and sad about it, i almost feel sorry for him. but i then forwarded every peice of evidence to my email account. so if i ever feel 'week' i just need to read them again... im just in an utter state of shock right now. i had to make a drink at 6am today, im hot, sweaty, have the shakes. i also told him the way hes treated me, walking out on me all those times, trying to hook up with girls on our breakups "thats not love". thanks to all self help books out there!!! i felt so bad he was crying when he left... i really feel like i need to just go off on him via email and let him know that i know everything. and to never contact me again. or show up at my house.
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