It is 5 in the morning here and I can not sleep,my mind is racing and I just need to reach out some where so here goes.I suffer from depression and I am a recovering alcoholic.I have 2 kids Jenna 16 and Justin 21 they are great kids.I also live with there father who I divorced 5 years ago for cheating on me.about a year ago we decided to live together and be a family again,we were married 18 years and I am 49 and started dating him at 21 .It is a long story,I thought he still loved me and it would work and only ,but after he moved in I learned he wants to move to california to become an actor now he is 48 and has no experience except some amature stand up comedy,he has a agent and paid to be in this film in california but is still waiting to do the film.He will retire in 2 years and says he is going out there and I just feel very hurt,he will live with me for two more years and he just threatens me that I better get my act together but he sends me mixed messages,he will act like he cares about me and always wanting sex which I have trouble with because I can not tell if he will leave me.I just feel helpless I dont have a job because of some back trouble and depression and a month ago I totaled my car and only had liability,my daughter Jenna has become very depressed and trying to help her with couseloring and doctor for meds maybe,she wont even go to school and I dont leave her alone because I am worried about her.In the meantime I do all the house work,have supper on the table everynight and take care of 3 cats and 2 dogs and try to make up for not having a job,but he thinks I am lazy and usless because I dont bring home a paycheck.I know I need to live one day at a time but I am just having a ruff time tonight
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