I know how you feel,I too have been suffering from a bit of a identity crisis,Im sure mine is due too control issues also.....god forbid I should relax and enjoy my individuality and my ah loses control again.Do you have a job?...I get alot of normalcy at work and get to socialize.My ah is a recluse a closet drinker these days.You know and im sure you know our rational brains .......that is if we tap into that...will tell us its ok to get out.....visit friends......baby showers.....etc.....we tend too adopt the unhealthy feelings of the alcoholic.One thing i know for sure is pysical exercise is very good for getting some happy back....I cant afford a gym but, I found jogging helps alot!.And my ah is not into it....geez he can hardly walk sometimes!...lol.

OMG I was like that for a long time also. I thought it was normal then I started seeing this wonderful councelor. She showed me ways of how to come out and be who I am again. I will tell you it is not easy one bit changing your ways when you have an ah that is verbally, emotionally and mentally abusive but I did it and he hates the way I am now. I vowed never to let anyone do that to me again. I still have a lot of work to do to get myself totally back but I am determined to do it. Just believe in yourself and work hard at finding a life again and I promise you, you will see so much more of life and may even cry for letting someone put you that far down to make you miss it all. If I want to do something I go and do it whether he approves or not. It took a lot for me to get that far but you can do it. It's not my decision that he chooses to do absolutely nothing but drink and I'm not going to let him stop me anymore to babysit his butt when he does. Good luck to you. My prayers are with you.

Since I'm well over 50, I joined the Red Hat Society five years ago. I started my own chapter with five friends and it's blossomed into 22 members. For those under 50, there are Pink Hat chapters. You might want to check it out. It's a world wide organization. Many chapters have both red and pink hatters! It has thousands of members all over the U.S.

Could you maybe organize a weekly/monthly bunko or poker night, have a monthly dinner out with friends (or even one friend), start a luncheon group? I assume you work, so I'll bet you have friends at your workplace, too. Why not go visit those girlfriends to see their new babies. You'd probably be warmly welcomed because they may be isolated, too. You do not need your husbands stamp of approval to do any of this, either. Just go, girl!

I did the same thing. Isolated myself. I totally regret that I did that to myself. I am enjoying getting out there. It has made me grow so much since the split. Get out. Find someone to hang with. Once you start getting you, you will be surprised on how much more you will be included in things. I was.

I really really really appreciate the advice ladies, and trust me I will do my very best to get my happiness back. I have two toddlers that I ADORE and I am also a soldier so I have to be OK for in order for me to keep from going completely crazy. The responses mean so much more than just some words on a page in a support group- I am so happy that someone is here for me while I try to "save him"- thank you ladies so much. This just might be my turning point for the better. Oh and I'm determined to go out this weekend too. Oh Yeah!

Terrific! There have been points in my life when I was just like you and isolated myself. When my boys were young, for example, just like you, and at the time I was stuck in the midwest with snow, sleet, sludge, and ugliness. I'd wage a guess that a lot of us have retreated into isolation at various times in our lives, probably more than once. I became lethargic and depressed because there just wasn't any laughter in my life any more, and I had lost contact with several dear gal pals. I kept putting it off and putting it off until I got disgusted with myself before picking up the phone (discovering that my fingers weren't broken after all) and hauled my butt out the door to lunch or dine with a friend or friends. We exchange the goings on of our lives and sometimes end up laughing and poking fun at the circumstances when things aren't so great. Friends are a wonderful sounding board sometimes because they can put you back on track. It made me a better mom, too, because I became more lighthearted. And laughter comes close to curing almost any negative state of mind. Have fun, dear!

I am completely isolating myself lately and finding it so frustrating. Of course it doesn't help that I have three children which I raise completely on my own as my husband does not have any rights to them... nor does he pay his child support for them. I find it much to easy to just sit back and need to figure out how to get over the idea of moving on, I think.

actually,mlh just by going to this forum is a form of non-isolation baby steps you will be ok all of us will....the only way out is through.You have heard this before im sure "you could do better"......dont let him mess with you and your emotions