I've only confided in a couple of friends about his drinking. One knows everything and one just some of it. The friend who knows everything has a perfect husband and a really great life and always tells me she doesn't know why I put up with it and she never would. She's a good person and friend who means we'll but she actually makes me feel dumber than I already do. I know that he sounds like an awful person to her and it's my fault for sharing but sometimes it all feels like too much to deal with such as after a big fight or something and I need to vent. He's a great person when not drinking and there's the financial situation and other things to consider. It's not that easy to simply walk away. I know I should and yet I love him, or I love things about him. We've been together 15 years. He drinks every single day. He's been to rehab 3 times. He's lost 2 jobs since I've known him because of drinking. He had a DUI before we met and he was charged but not convicted of another one and that was only because he hired a lawyer and they found issues with the paperwork. He misses a lot of work, usually on Mondays because he really goes on a bender on the weekends and then is hungover as heck on Monday. His memory is crap but he thinks I am making that up. When we meet up with other people (usually my friends but the get togethers are infrequent) he embarrasses me thoroughly because he drinks too much and then he tells all of the stories he had told me but they keep getting more and more embellished. He'll promise he won't drink there but someone offers him a drink and he can't say no. So he keeps going after that. Next thing I know he is monopolizing all of the conversation and exaggerating and I can't stand it. He calls me every name in the book when we argue, the worst you can think of. He tells me I hate everyone and everyone hates me and it's his fault I drink and if I was willing to participate in more things he wouldn't drink and if I had sex with him more often he wouldn't drink and so many other crazy things. He's cheated on me. He's run up a lot of personal debt because he doesn't make enough money to live and cover his alcohol and tobacco habits so he ends up charging the shortfall to his credit cards. Luckily we no longer have any debt together. We recently sold our house in another town and now he wants to buy another but I am not ready. I have no debt and want to keep it that way for now even if it means renting. We aren't legally married and we don't have kids but we moved in together after 2 years together. Sometimes he hints at getting married but I don't want to even though we are common law and have lived together for a long time. As I said he is a really good person when sober. Unfortunately that's only on the drive home from work and then a couple hours after we get home before the beer starts kicking in and also whenever we are around his parents and siblings and co-workers. They think he is perfect because he doesn't drink around them and it's so fun to be with him when he is around them. He is clear headed and intelligent and funny and charismatic. So I love it when we see them which is unfortunately not often enough. He often makes excuses not to see them and uses me as that excuse (says I'm not feeling well or I want to go shopping, etc) because he would rather stay home and drink. So I feel like they blame me for not seeing him more. He's not physically or sexually abusive in any way and has never been. He's not possessive or jealous. He doesn't care about me hanging out with friends or going to the mall. It's me who decides to be a homebody because I feel like I have to be home to prevent him from drinking and driving and also because I have trust issues with him having cheated before which he admitted to. He takes care of me when I'm not feeling well and he loves to buy me things, whether he can afford it or not. He is affectionate and loving most of the time. It's when he is super drunk and unreasonable and we fight that he says mean and hurtful things and makes me cry. That seems to be almost every Saturday or Sunday because those are the really heavy drinking days. Easily a 24 and more of beer a day. Weeknights he has 12 to 15. I'm sorry for rambling on. I didn't mean for my post to be this long but it was just a really hard day and we had a big fight and I was looking up information online about the partners of alcoholics and came across this site. I went to an al-anon meeting before but didn't find it helpful. Everyone in it seemed to have a partner who was a recovering alcoholic rather than an actively drinking one and when it came my time to speak I just got emotional and couldn't get it out. I'm pretty shy so it's just not suitable for me.