Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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What to do on the 1 year anniversary?

My husband died one year ago. The anniversary is Aug 31. I want to have some sort of ritual but need some ideas. This will be personal, just for me.
He was cremated and there was no funeral (his request). I scattered a handful of his ashes in our back yard over the grave of his cherished cat. Then I gave the rest of his ashes to his 4 children thinking this would help them get over their grief. They had a strained and weird relationship with their dad.
They have not yet done anything with the ashes and have promised to let me know when they decide to scatter them. They may or may not let me know. I don't even want to call them to ask about this. They don't live anywhere near me and I want them out of my life.
Any ideas for rituals would appreciated.



I wish I could give you some good advice. My heart goes out to you as it has been 2 years and 21 days since I lost my beautiful Harry. On the anniversary of his death times 2 now I went to cemetary but that is not an option for you. Maybe some sort of prayeer ritual with candles and a picture of the two of you. Just a suggestion.
Lots of hugs Janet

Maybe you could write him a little love note & send it off to him. You could either have the note stuffed into a helium balloon before it's filled (a card shop/party store would do that for you), or you could gently drop it into a lake, ocean or stream an let it float away. Either way, your love note will reach him. Two days ago I had my 1st year mark of my loss. I had visited the cemetary on the anniversary of his last day of life and refused to acknowledge the anniversary of his death. I want to remember his life, not his death. My heart goes out to you. You are in my prayers.

I'm sorry for your loss. I remember the 1st anniv. of my husband's death and I was still so upset I couldn't even think of doing anything.

Was there any place special that the two of you liked to go together? A restaurant, beach, hotel, place to take a walk, anywhere where you spent a lot of time together? Perhaps you could go there and spend some time. Or maybe you could cook a candelight dinner for "two" at home and make his favorite food, play his favorite music, and I'm SURE his spirit would be there with you!!

I imagine there are plenty of other things you could do but I can't think of any more! But I DO with you the very best on your special day. I hope it is filled with happy, wonderful memories and few tears. God bless you and I'll keep you in my prayers. Take care. Hugs, Lee
Community Leaderacuriousfish

Mine is 30th Aug. It's a Saturday so I need to go into town and pick up the dozen red roses. Other than that I have no plans. I started to read through our e-mails on her birthday (we met online and were sometimes apart so there are thousands and I kept them all) but it was just too painful, so I know any elaborate plans are likely to fall apart so I don't want to add pressure.

In certain religions (the popular ones) there is a certain prayer said on the 1 year anniversary. Check with your clergyman. If not, (this might sound stupid but it works) try to communicate with him through your thoughts. Trust me on this one.

On the first anniversary of my wife's death I went back to where we first lived when we were married in 1977. I just walked around all the places we used to share, past our first home. So many happy memories but so many tears. I don't know if it was the right thing to do but I couldn't stand the thought of just staying at home with all the reminders and memories. I hope the day goes as well as possible for you. Good luck.

Thanks for all you suggestions. What I did was gather up a number of Bob's small personal items such as his eyeglasses, wallet with drivers license, some lapel pins, dental impressions....etc.
I wrote a love letter, placed it in Bob's wallet then buried all these things in our backyard next to where Bob had buried his cat. I've placed a pile of rocks and stones on top and now have my own little memorial to Bob. Since today is the anniversary I'm going out in my backyard to have a glass of Bob's favorite wine and toast my good fortune to have been loved by this remarkable man.

I'm sorry for your loss. I really couldn't do anything but had a mass said on the day that my Bob passed. Both my kids were ther (which really surprised me) they don't talk to me about my bob at all. So all I have are the beautiful people on DS.
The rest of the day I tried to have good memories but had too many flashbacks instead. But I hope better days are coming. It's been 16 months and seems like yesterday.
Prayers and my hugs are with you today.
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