Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

Weight loss

deleted_user
deleted_user
I've been reading some of your journals. Some of you have lost quite a bit of weight since your spouses have been gone. I've lost a little bit of weight without trying or changing my eating habits or activity level. But I still have a long way to go. It's logical that we want to get healthier for our kids' sakes, since we're the only parent they have left. I went through something (might still be going through it subconsciously, I don't know) and I'm wondering if anyone else here can relate. When thinking about weight loss, a couple times I've caught myself thinking, "Oh, sure. You didn't even try to lose weight when Greg was alive and that would have been great for him/us. Now that he's gone, you want to try to lose weight??" I guess it's kind of a guilt thing, if that makes any sense. I think it may be self-sabotage in the weight-loss department. Can anyone relate?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Totally! I feel guilty for wanting to be MORE healthy than when he was alive. But isn't that natural? Mortality is sometimes a slap in the face and makes us treat our bodies more responsibly. I think sometimes people misunderstand. We are not losing weight to attract attention or find someone else, we are just focused on something in our lives that will give us a visible positive result. We need that!
eileenR
eileenR
Relate oh yes I can!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
The weight loss for me came from depression. When I am unhappy, I have to force myself to eat. I wasn't trying to lose weight, so the last 4 months I have been trying to gain it!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am joining weight watchers, first I always wanted to lose 20 pounds and second is to keep busy and focused.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I lost about two and a half stone after my husband died, then put it all back again comfort eating! the first year I lost, the second year I gained, the third year I stabilised, now going into the fourth year I am endeavouring to get healthy again as I have really gone downhill - STAY HEALTHY if you possibly can - circumstances made me ignore my health and not bother about it and I am now having to hitch myself up and get myself back on track as I want to LIVE and live properly again....
deleted_user
deleted_user
I feel guilty about everything. I put a 4 in. temperpedic on top of the matress, and the first thing i said was "i should have done this when my husband was alive" - other things too
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can relate. Shortly before TIm was diagnosed I had lost a lot of weight and worked really hard at it. He was so proud of me. In all the years we were married he only ever made me feel beautiful and sexy, no matter what my weight was. While he was sick, I didn't pay any attention to my own health and ended up putting on a lot of weight. I am now struggling to lose again, in order to be healthy, but I sometimes wonder, what's the point?? I know I need to be healthy for my sons, and I know I would feel better if I lost weight, but I find a great deal of comfort in food. It's nice to know people out there understand.
Lizzie
deleted_user
deleted_user
tell me about it. It's like a horrible rollercoaster. When I was with my husband I was so happy that I lost 20kilos without even trying, it just came off me because I wasn't over eating. He was so proud of me, proud to be my husband. Now since he has passed I have gained about 6kgs and can't stop comfort eating, it's terrible, I feel like I'm out of control so I am planning on making an appointment to see a dietician, one on one, hopefully they can help me with some emotional sides as well not just the consuming.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can also relate to this one...don't know exactly how much I have lost, but I have had to buy new jeans...I am not trying - but just have no appetite. I feel the same way - wouldn't he love this! It's hard, tho, when someone compliments me...I have also found myself taking better care of my skin, etc...and I swear I am not lookin for love" ..I think Chosen1 is right - it is a way to feel something more positive about ourselves...
Community Leadercliffskat
cliffskat
Everyone in my office is trying to lose weight (except me) and one idiot actually asked me how I was doing it. Duh. I had to laugh, it was so stupid. Uh, gee, no, I don't recommend this diet plan.....
Community Leaderacuriousfish
acuriousfish
I'm losing weight too, partly intentionally but it seems to be just happening.

I just started going out and buying clothes which is ironic because my wife could never get me out to buy stuff except when we were first married.

I've decided I'm just going to do what i feel is right, I can deal with the extra complexity of guilt. Having said that, I feel guilty at times.

I'm just full of contradictions.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Since I wrote on 01/07, I attended 2 gatherings with folks who hadn't seen me in months - several people complimented me on my weight loss - I wish I could say I just said "thanks" and moved on...(I need to practice this I think). Instead, I muttered something about it not being a positive thing - and made the situation uncomfortable...sorry
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