I sit here and think the phone will ring or he will come out of the bedroom at any moment. It is surreal that he is gone. I have accepted the fact that he has died, but the realization has not set in. We were so close, I want to tell him the latest...the cats were in a certain pose and I called him name to come quick before they moved. I thought I was moving ahead, but the little things hold me back. I want to tell visit with him about what is going on today. Have dinner and have him tell me, yuk, I dont like that. I want so bad, but the reality is, he is not here with me. When does this end, or when will I stop feeling the hurt and pain. Do I want it to end?????? I will forever love him...but I want the hurt to end. Help me God...I need to move forward. The picture boards from the memorial service are in the dinning room, plus other pictures in frames. I see them all day long. I cry, I talk to them, I wish to them, I remember. HELP ME. I still think this is a dream and I will wake up. God wake me up.
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It has been a while since I posted something but today I feel like I need to chat. October 18,2016 I lost my dear husband of 33 years to a sudden heart attack, and I could not save him, as much as I tried, not even the fire fighters and the paramedics could not save him. He gave a last gift of life to someone with his lungs, so in a way he does live on in a person I probably will never know. But...