In an email, a friend, in talking, said these words: "there's no such thing as straight line grieving." Those simple words just struck me - because it's so true. When Joe died, I reached out to grief books to find solace, to try and understand what I was feeling, and that included reading about the stages of grieving. I clung to that - like, ok, this is anger - next? And guilt, ok, I'm feeling it, next? Like I was marking off the feelings, the stages, thinking I've just got to get through this. I wasn't doing anything wrong, because these WERE emotions I needed to feel. But what I didn't realize was that grief is circular, that these would be emotions I would feel yet again. But each time I went through them, thought, wrote and cried, I learned something different. With this came healing, although I couldn't see it for a long time. The acceptance part, for me, is simply an understanding of this: my Joe's gone, and he's not coming back. I know this in my head and heart, but the electric shocks I get when it hits me, again, are real. I get up every day, and try, but there are times I just want to sit it out for a while, and that's ok. The realization that grief is indeed circular, not straight, somehow makes it not necessarily easier, but more understandable. Bless you, all my DS friends, that I can post this from my heart. Hugs, Marsha
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