Im a recently widowed husband who is trying very hard to find someone that knows exactly how I am feeling and to help me reconcile my feelings. My wife passed away one month ago yesterday. I know from reading the many other topics over the last week that many out there have helped their spouses battle illnesses, stayed with them through the night, savored their final moments together and said I love you for the last times. I didnt have that opportunity. In no way do I wish that my wife had a major illness, but I had taken many things for granted and I wish that I could have been better prepared for what happened. I kissed her goodbye as she slept one morning and never realized it would be the last. I sit here crying as I try to remember the last time I said, I love you to her and I just cant remember. It would have been on Valentines Day for sure, but I laid her to rest on Feb. 13th. I buried her with the cards I had bought and the messages I later wrote after discovering she was gone, but I never got to say a last goodbye. I never got to give her the clothes I had bought her for Valentines Day or to celebrate with her on the anniversary of the day we met, Feb. 17, 12 years ago. I cant remember when our last argument was, but I hope it was long ago. I cant bear to think that there might have been an unresolved issue weighing on her mind. I know she knew I loved her, but I now realize that she might never have known how very deep my love was and is. I have never been one to express my emotions freely, but I now realize that I must do it in the future with others that I love or risk feeling this same regret again. The problem is, my wife was the one I loved most and Ill never have a second chance to tell her and that is KILLING me. My eyes are literally chapped and sore from constantly wiping away tears. I feel helplessly lost in a sea of self-doubt.
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