August 5, 2009 will be a day that I will never forget. This is the day that I lost my husband of 33 years. He was the love of my life. It has been really lonely without him. back in 1999 he was hit by a tractor trailor and to make a long story short, he has been on marcotics since then. He could barely walk and slept in a lift chair. On July 2nd he had the spinal cord stimulator implanted which was helping to relieve some of his pain (would never take away all of his pain) but it was working. We had high hopes of just walking down the driveway holding hands, going down the shore for just one day and my husband being able to lift his grandson up when they came home from the Navy. He was feeling better, lifting up his legs more and even made me coffee for 2 days (something he could not do before). Then on August 5th, just one month and 3 days after the surgery, my husband died in his sleep. To make matters worse it was our grandson's first birthday. The pain feels like it will never go away somedays and other days I think I will make it. There are times when I feel that I am living a nightmare and just want to wake up but knowing deep down inside that when I wake up, it won't change anything. My husband has such a great attitude even with all the chronic back pain that he endured. He was my love, my life, my everything and I cannot imagine life without him. I know that there is a grieving process but it still does not help nor take away the pain that I feel or the pain that my 2 sons feel. My faith has been shattered. I use to really believe that there was life after death but now I am not so sure. I have not dreamt of my husband while others tell me that they saw and talked to my husband. I don't understand this because we had a great relationship. If people had half of what we had, they would consider themselves lucky. It is hard for me to concentrate and I keep misplacing things. it is just really hard to go through losing the one that you love so much.
Posts You May Be Interested In