
Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

deleted_user
I would like to know how do you move on? When you plan on being with someone forever and that is taken away what are the rules? I met my husband when I was 15. Together 21 years and married 18 of those. Paul was the love of my life. We had the healthiest of marriages, 3 kids to boot. He struggled with cancer for 2 years and passed away 5 mths ago.
I have all this advice from friends and family telling me you should date someone... Your still young and Paul would want you to be happy they say. I know they are concerned for me because I have been sad, and lonely. The other day one of my friends told me of someone who was interested in me. The weird thing was that I did feel excited. Then I felt all these feelings of guilt that I would even think like that so soon after Pauls death. Now ever since I have all these conflicts within myself.
Is this normal?
I have all this advice from friends and family telling me you should date someone... Your still young and Paul would want you to be happy they say. I know they are concerned for me because I have been sad, and lonely. The other day one of my friends told me of someone who was interested in me. The weird thing was that I did feel excited. Then I felt all these feelings of guilt that I would even think like that so soon after Pauls death. Now ever since I have all these conflicts within myself.
Is this normal?
Posts You May Be Interested In
-
I've been really depressed lately. It's not super bad but it's bad enough that I'm spending like 10 hrs in bed and I do nothing all day. I did get my lexapro dosage raised from 5 mg to 10 mg so once I start the new dose I will hopefully feel better. Depression is the absolute worst.
-
Welcome to all of our great new members.... It's lovely to see new people come onboardI just wanted to shared the Rules of the Road that we all adhere to on the siteI have found them to be really helpful thoughout my years on DS and wanted to share them with our newby'sBig squishy...
How soon is too soon?
I have been dating this girl recently and things have been pretty good, she understands the history I have and we work each day with it. Of course she has two kids and has her own "past" but anymore WHO doesn't.
I am not into rushing alot but my family thinks that since I spend alot of time with her and live at her house during the week that Im wrong...I dont think that they are right anymore, but caution is still needed.
Do what you feel....if it feels right go with it, otherwise wait till it does feel right.
The idea of being with someone has sounded good at various times especially just to go for a walk or go to eat or something like that. I am getting better at dealing with these feelings because I know I am not ready to begin a new relationship. That would require more mental energy than I currently have extra.
I do know a widow who entered a relationship after about four months and I can see that there are a lot of difficulties but also some very rewarding times.
I just wanted you to know that when I read your post it seemed exactly like my feelings.
My latest being 18 months ago.Iam alone and will now remain alone.Simply because it works for me.I cannot tell you when the time is right to seek a new mate.What I do know is that it takes time to accept change.There are a lot of raw emotions and need time to heal.
For me I had to heal from my loss and make a new transition to except lifes change.I needed to know what being single felt like.To get reaquainted with me, to learn to like living alone.To come to terms with my many emotions.To learn not to be afraid of being alone that quiet was good and that peace is gentle for our souls.
I remarried after 6 months of my first husbands death and I had a horriable time adjusting.The marriage was rocky and stayed that way for 20 years.
Today I get lonely but theres too many things to do to sit and dwell on lonelyness.
If you are strong enough to manage another relationship and make it good go for it.
If you have any doubts wait until you are okay with your feelings.Because if you are not ready it spells trouble down the line.
Good luck!
Naomi