Oh my gosh, yes, it's normal. I have been widowed 3 months and am the first to admist that I don't like to be alone. I feel so guilty just thinking about "dating". In my case, however, my children and husband's family don't really want me to date. I think they want life to remain status quo, as if he was still living. So, not only do I feel guilty for wanting companionship, I also feel guilty because it may appear to be too soon.

How soon is too soon?

I wonder the same thing, I met my husband when I was 13, yesterday was our 23rd wedding ann, he past on 4/24/07, I dont think I really know how to be alone,we have 4 kids, I do have them ,they tell me that there dad would want me happy,but I to feel quilty, I am kinda seeing someone ,hes a friend we both knew, so I think that makes it a litle easier, but I to am dealing with this , I wish you good luck, I am here if you want to talk...

Normal, Oh yes, oh yes, Oh yes. I can't tell you how normal it is. But it is. First, you can only date when you are ready. We all need to feel that wanted feeling. We recieved that so many times from our husbands. So that is where the excitement comes in. the feeling of butterflies in our stomache. Don't rush into anything, out of the butterflies, and excitement. If guilt is still there, it is not time to share yourself with someone else. (this is what I believe) Moving on is tuff and there is no time table to help us out. But we do need to examine all the steps of grief, and go through them before we move on with someone else. I do believe not all individuals can date a widdow or widdower, it takes someone special. Because the mate we loss will always hold a special place in our heart. It is not like divorce. So don't beat yourself up for having these conflicts. We are all needy. And let's face facts, he wants to be alone. He doesn't want the feeling of attraction from someone else. We are needy individuals. God made us that way. But he will also help us when the time is right to move on.

Moving on I have begun to think is all on your time.
I have been dating this girl recently and things have been pretty good, she understands the history I have and we work each day with it. Of course she has two kids and has her own "past" but anymore WHO doesn't.

I am not into rushing alot but my family thinks that since I spend alot of time with her and live at her house during the week that Im wrong...I dont think that they are right anymore, but caution is still needed.

Do what you feel....if it feels right go with it, otherwise wait till it does feel right.

Hi = What you describe sounds very similar to me. My wife died in April of this year after two years of cancer. We were married 23 years and have two grown children.

The idea of being with someone has sounded good at various times especially just to go for a walk or go to eat or something like that. I am getting better at dealing with these feelings because I know I am not ready to begin a new relationship. That would require more mental energy than I currently have extra.

I do know a widow who entered a relationship after about four months and I can see that there are a lot of difficulties but also some very rewarding times.

I just wanted you to know that when I read your post it seemed exactly like my feelings.

oh I am so glad that you have asked this question because I was wondering myself. I lost my husband 4 months ago to cancer and the loneliness is really setting in. I am confused about feelings of moving on also. I am so afraid that I will compare someone new to Phillip and I am afraid that no one will ever live up to what he was to me. At the same time it is very lonely and the thought of spending the rest of my life alone is very scary. We were together for 16 years and it is just hard to think about starting over. I will keep you in my prayers that you will find the right answer.

Losing a mate is a tramatic experience.I lost 2 husbands over a 30 year span.
My latest being 18 months ago.Iam alone and will now remain alone.Simply because it works for me.I cannot tell you when the time is right to seek a new mate.What I do know is that it takes time to accept change.There are a lot of raw emotions and need time to heal.
For me I had to heal from my loss and make a new transition to except lifes change.I needed to know what being single felt like.To get reaquainted with me, to learn to like living alone.To come to terms with my many emotions.To learn not to be afraid of being alone that quiet was good and that peace is gentle for our souls.
I remarried after 6 months of my first husbands death and I had a horriable time adjusting.The marriage was rocky and stayed that way for 20 years.
Today I get lonely but theres too many things to do to sit and dwell on lonelyness.
If you are strong enough to manage another relationship and make it good go for it.
If you have any doubts wait until you are okay with your feelings.Because if you are not ready it spells trouble down the line.
Good luck!

you and only you have to make that choice no one else my wife died over a year ago and i can't date anyone else

Do what you feel is right. No one else really has the right to judge.

I am lonely very lonely the problem is I am only lonely for him! I know its different for everyone and its something you need to decide! If you feel ready then it must be right for you!

I really think it's up to you whether you start to date again.I lost my husband two years ago and I've been on a few dates.Dating isn't easy when you've been with the same person for 15 years.

It is so normal! I was with my hubby for ten years and I am going on 32 next month. I find myself being hostile to other men who approach me just to talk when Im out and about with friends etc. I dont mean to be or even want to be like that but I just cant help it right now. But it is just a phase and will pass. One thing is certain, they do want us to be happy. I just think to myself that Im going to see him again when it is my time, and its going to be a reunion like no other! But until then we have to live our lives out on this earth and its our choice how we want to live it. We never stop loving them and they will always be the love of our lives no matter what.

I agree with everyones comments and I guess that's because it really is a personal choice and no one can judge you. I have struggled with the same feelings of guilt for some months now and still do. My husband passed away a year ago from cancer. He was and will always be the love of my life but after he passed I was so sad, so lonely and didn't want to go on. I met someone prematurely(after 3 months) we saw eachother for a couple of months and I regret it. I just needed some company someone to comfort me. I felt guilty though every time I was with him and that he mean't nothing to me only made it worse. Like I had wasted myself on someone I didn't care about, but in some ways I guess it was helpful, but in my opinion, looking back I think 3 months was way too soon. I have since met a lovely guy after 6 months and we were just friends for the first 3 months, and became more closer after then. I think he is special, very understand and wonderful with my little girl, but I don't want to rush into anything, but am glad that I have him. It has helped me to read the replies to your posting because I have had all those bad feelings and still do some times, but I do believe in my heart my husband would want me to be happy, and no matter what he will always be the love of my life, no one could ever replace that. I know we will be reunited again when it is my time. My advice to you though is to have friends around you first, even if they are guys, don't rush into it so soon, they can fill your void but cannot heal your pain.

Everyone is different. I read so many articles on grief, and they say there is no pat answer. I think you will know when you are ready. They also say that guilt over stuff is common among women. They put it as one of the stages of grief. But, we know, every person is different & must make their own paths when ready. Love, Susan

I lost my husband of 21 years in February. I still can't imagine being with anyone else. Sometimes I do think about it but like you I feel guilty. I know we have to move on and continue to live our lives but no one said it would be easy. I feel like I will know when the time is right for me. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing something you don't feel ready to do. Just let them know you appreciate them trying to help you but you are not ready. Hope it gets easier for you soon. Hugs
Naomi