It has now been almost 14 mos. I find that as much as I continue to mourn Tom I am now mourning me. The me that I was before he died. I was a more joyful, spontaneous, and a much happier person. I liked who I was. I was content and happy with life. Now I don't know who I am or how to be happy. I am angry that I have to figure out who I am alone. And wonder what life has ahead for me. How do I figure out who I am without him? I miss him more than life. Does anyone know what I mean?
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When I was awake this morning I was thinking of writing a note to thank the people who has helped me in the grief journey. I think this message provided me with the motivation (ie. I don't need this s$%^!).This question is one of the most hurtful question you can ask to a fellow griever. But I can imagine why you are questioning my validity. I'm sorry I don't feel the need to show the death...
So it seems my grief is taking me to some dark places. What if the end of life in this world actually is the end of our consciousness and all aspects of our existence are no more. Our soul does not move on as it too is non-existent. Am I alone in thinking these grim thoughts? Is this part of the grief and mourn continuum.