I feel lost in a group where most have had very recent loses. Reading the discussions makes me feel that I won't help others when my loss was long ago. My husband, Ray, was hit in the head with a state snow plow, was in a coma for 2 weeks after which he was in rehab. We had been married 16 years at the time. I did not know the man he became, but was grateful that he was still alive. They said he had global aphasia, communication was at 20%. I could live with that, he was still alive. When he came home I came face to face with the problems of having only 20% communication. The gentle man I married became a violent man speaking in a voice I did not know. Losing this man was heartbreaking. But he was still alive. I could no longer take the abuse and, after 4 years I made the self preserving decision to divorce him. Because of his limitations I needed to divorce through his sister. I did not want to lose contact with my soul mate but I couldn't live with the constant threat. The family wanted me to sever all ties, he would run away whenever I came to visit or call. Eventually, I saw that I needed to leave him be and get on with my life. Four years after his being hit in the head we divorced. In order to get on with my life I needed to make the separation in my heart. I couldn't do it. Yet, I met another man and married, my soul mates love still got in the way in my heart. My new husband was abusive and I divorced him. We had two children. I missed my soul mate so much I needed to know how he was. Despite his family I called. He had died and no one saw fit to tell me. We were married 20 years and no one said anything till I called. I traveled over 300 miles to visit his grave site, with my children. Having told them about Ray my oldest said that he would probably have made a better dad then the one she had. How sad, her own experience told her that her own father wasn't doing what he should. I don't know how to deal with the loss of the same man twice. Time does heal the pain but the lonliness, and emptiness that is still there and was there through my second marriage still exists. I hope I have not brought anyone down on this site because this site brings hope and encouragement to so many. I wish I could feel that also, but..... Thanks for listening. There is one person on this site who has seen me through this experience personally and knows the pain I have been through. I hate that her husband is now gone also. Thanks for being there.
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