And you don't have to! We're talking about adults here. You shouldn't have to make up excuses. Be honest and tell them you're just not up to it right now and why.

Good for you for taking care of yourself!

I think you need to take care of yourself and do what's right for you. I know what you mean about them forgetting.... but don't let anyone pressure you into doing something you're not comfortable with... After all, if you don't advocate for yourself, who will?

Good for you. Better to not go then to end up feeling overwhelmed once you get there.

Nerfmom
The one sentence I liked: I need to have peace and quiet right now.
It spoke volumes on filling your needs for you. Thats not an excuse thats a truth.

Take care

Good for you. We need to put ourselves first right now. I am having no problem being selfish for the first time in my life.

Judith,

I'm glad you're taking care of yourself; however, this is an introduction of the pros and cons of living near family. I'm not knocking it, as I live only 30 minutes from both our daughters, but it does open doors to both kinds of 'conveniences.'

After you have had a chance to calculate your emotional and mental capabilities after your loss, you will enjoy those invitationsjust so they remember that you have a life of your own outside of their activities. That's so important for you and for them as you move into your new future. Blessings to you. TJ

Judith,

I closed down my computer for the night and was thinking about your post. I wanted to log back on and let you know that I think you're eons ahead of the game. For your loss being so recent, I believe you are making some very wise decisions. With change taking place on every side of you, you still were able to state what you needed while transitioning into your new future. I think it was brave of you as well as a very loving thing to establish with your family. Just had to add this thought. Blessings. TJ

Good for you! Sometimes kids/ & others, seem to think we need to be doing something ~~ like helping them ~~ even when we aren't "up to it".

Just take care of yourself. Drink plenty of water to keep hydrated. Taking vitamins is sometimes a good thing to do also. Rest, that's all you have to do right now. If you feel like cleaning ~~ or not~~ do whichever you need to do. Sometimes, I think I simply sat here, trying NOT to think or feel or do anything.

The grief wave does cause some crazy up/down emotions. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other one. It will get a little better as time goes on.

Hugs, Joely

They may think they're doing you a favor by helping you "take your mind off it" for a few days. Or that being around the grandkids will cheer you up. It may not be meant as something bad. They may be clueless and think they're helping.

I hope you do find the peace and quiet you need right now, and that in the future you'll feel better about spending time with them.

Love and Hugs, Martha

I started to chuckle as i read some of these posts, as it is funny, how our children seem to think , us helping them will be healing to us. haha, but really, i have noticed with my sons ,they keep trying to reaffirm I am o.k by trying to get the old me back. In their defense, it has to be as if they lost both parents, cause lets face it, we are not the same person we were before we lost their other parent. So why no one can ever understand what we are going through, we really cant understand what they are either. I think you handeled this right. I told my kids this weekend, they have to make other sitter arrangements as i am having a me weekend. Something I Never did when their father was here. I think they are still in shock. lol

slgooch41 - it's funny that the kids are ''in shock'' about you having a ''Me'' weekend! Glad you are! People tend to put you in a little box. When I told people that I was going on a cruise - alone - their eyebrows lifted - (I traveled alone before - but it was for business or for family occasions). Now - HUM - a cruise? Merry Widow me? By myself - wild and wicked woman that I am - (I wish (?) )!!!! I'll always be'' Jerry's wife'' with them - don't know how easily they will accept a new person in my life - after the initial shock, I hope they will be happy for me, and I don't lose them. I have a long way to go before that - just breaking them in.....and myself in too!!!.

You need to do what you feel is right. Sometimes people try to take advantage after the spouse is gone. Stick to your guns and don't feel guilty about your decision.

Standing alone good for you. I don't know if I would be brave enough to go by myself.