I'm not sure why but I've been quite down all this week. I thought I had a handle on things and doing fairly well but it's a little over two months in it feels like Mark passed last week. For one thing I find myself tearing up at the slighest thing. Hearing certain music for instance. I was watching Extreme makeover home edition last week and Enrique Eglisias was on singing Somebody's Me and immediately tears started rolling down my face because the words of the chorus, (Somebody wants you Somebody needs you Somebody dreams about you every single night Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely Somebody hopes someday you will see That Somebody's Me)really got to me.I got so upset that I had to change the channel. They show the Eharmony commercials thousands of times a day and those commercials bother me. I'll be watching tv after Braydon goes to bed and I find myself wanting to comment on the silliness of what I'm watching and there is noone here to make the comment to and it makes me all the more lonely.Mark and I were together 12 years and I lived alone for over 20 before that and enjoyed living alone so I don't understand why I'm having such a hard time on my own when my son is at school or in bed now. I've tried hard not to dwell on things too much but I'm having trouble moving on. I don't know if this is the norm of not but I sure hope it passes soon because I don't like feeling that I am not in control and at times I've felt that way this week.
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