I know I'm supposed to take every day as it comes but lately I'm getting a bit depressed because I feel I may never find another life partner after Mark. What we had was very special and I've been told most people only find love like we had once in a lifetime. I'm 46 turning 47 in the Fall and the thought that I may be alone without another person to share my life is very discouraging. It makes me sad because I miss Mark so much every day and I'm so lonely after my son goes to bed that I don't know if I could stand being"alone"(without a partner) for the rest of my life. Ironically Mark and I had a hypothetical discussion about what would happen if one of us should die earlier than expected about 6 months before he died. He told me that he would not want me to be alone for the rest of my life because all he wanted for me was to be happy and that he would want me to find someone else should something happen to him. I don't feel that I will be able to find what we had with anyone else and I don't know right now if I would every want to. Obviously Mark is the only one I want but he's gone and he was one of a kind. It's hard not to worry about the future even though my heart is aching for Mark everyday. I know some women who lost thier husband's at a relatively young age and they never found anyone else after that. Now they are elderly lonely women.I have one old high school friend who is the same age as me who lost her first husband 5 years ago and has since remarried a widower last year. She still thinks of her first husband a lot but has found love again with her present husband. I have no desire for anyone else right now but it does give me things to think about. Is it normal to be worried about my possible future relationships at this stage in my grieving process? Mark has only been gone for a couple of months now and I was planning to be with him until it is my time to go when I'm in my 80's or 90's.
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