It's funny how certain things trigger tears out of the blue. I've had a few of instances over the past several days after my son has gone to bed when I've broke down in tears out of nowhere because I start thinking of Mark. A little while ago I decided to watch a Bio on Barry Manilow and after a few minutes it hit a nerve with me and the tears started flowing big time. Mark loved Barry Manilow. We were teenagers and fans of Barry's when he was making hit songs and Mark new the words to every song Barry recorded.He used to sing Barry's songs at the top of his lungs as he listened to him on his the Yahoo music website in our home office. In fact I'm getting choked up as I posting this and I can't see the keyboard because I'm tearing up just thinking about it.I can go for a few days and be pretty good and then I have days when I'm very sensitive. I guess it's going to be like that for quite a while yet. I've been through many kleenex boxes over the past few months that's for sure.Some of my well meaning friends have told me to call them if I'm having a particularly difficult time but it feels strange calling someone who hasn't been through a loss like mine just so I can cry over the phone with them. I prefer to cry on my own especially if I have had a hard few days of tears.I felt the need to vent and the first place I thought of was here because you all understand what I'm going through completely. It gives me a great deal of comfort knowing I can share my hard times with people who would not think it strange that I have had more than one bad day in a week. It's not always easy to get a sitter for my son so it wouldn't be possible to go to a support group here in my city on a weekly basis. I tried a support group after my brother completed suicide about 10 years ago and I did not find it a comfort mainly because the group consisted of people who had lost a spouse to suicide and not a sibling so mine was a different kind of loss so i couldn't relate to losing a spouseto suicide and they couldn't relate to losing a sibling to suicide. In this particular forum we have all lost a spouse so we can all relate to one another completely. I have found this one a great deal of comfort.
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