I am such a wreck; the heartbreak is too much for me. I am not going to get over this; I cannot accept the totality of this. I am in denial about being in denial. I think I am in this state because I have become too frail to step away from it. I am so frightened of who I have become, I am disappearing and I dont know who it is who is still breathing. I feel like I am alienating people when I write things. All I do is suffer and cry, everything hurts, especially whats left of my heart, soul and mind. So with pen in hand, so to speak, I write things, some I post, and I wonder who wrote that. The person behind the computer is crying and screaming why, where are you, why did this happen, please come home, please tell me you didnt suffer, please tell me it didnt hurt, please tell me you didnt know and you werent scared. Please let me die, I cant take it, Ive had enough, Ive had enough of everything, I have had enough of meand then theres a post with my with words and thoughts betraying the wreck at the keyboard. I need help, I am going to get it sooner or later, but like everything else, that thought comes and falls to the wayside. My world is falling apart, and I dont have the strength left to do anything about it. My life is a disaster, my house is a disaster, inside and out, everything is falling apart. Everything looks abandoned, its so overwhelming, I dont think I care because somehow it seems fitting. Some of us are just not strong enough to make it through this.
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