It's been 5 months since my husband passed away and I still can't get this out of my head! The night of the visitation at the funeral home, I handled it differently than apparently was expected. I wasn't showing my grief with the usual crying, etc that a lot of people expect. I have always been the type to joke with my family and friends and I did this some that night. There was one person that I can't get the look he gave me out of my head. He and his wife and I went to school and church together and were always joking with one another. He came and his wife stayed at home to work in the garden. I jokingly said, "you mean she had rather work in the garden than to come see me" and laughed as I said it. He looked at me so funny. The look of disbelief was all over his face. I went ahead and explained to him just how sick he had been and that now he is much better off because he isn't having to live every day with excruciating pain and not be able to do anything about it. I explained how it hurts to see someone you love in such pain and you can't help them but so much and it still isn't enough. I can't get the look he gave me out of my head!!! I wasn't meaning to be disrespectful to my spouse and my behavior didn't mean I didn't love him. I would cry like a baby when I was alone and did so for many days. Now that I look back, I probably handled it the best way for me because if I had been showing my REAL feelings, I would have been crying and so stressed out. And, because of this, I would have been having seizures one right after the other in the worst way. Stress brings out my worst seizures where I fall suddenly without any warning and I'm not aware of what's going on around me, etc. I got through all of it without even one seizure so maybe it was helpful after all. But, I still can't get the look he gave me out of my head!!! How do I shake it off.
Posts You May Be Interested In
IDK...just needed to throw this out here in bp room...maybe someone is struggling the same as me...my therapist said it's something people do at my age...a process. How do you cope with internal and external changes?I've been going through some hard times lately. My son is being evicted from where he lives, 5 years of supported living. He is not speaking to me or even e-mailing. I recently...
Hi there, I'm newish. I came to this site many years ago, left, and now I'm back. I've been in denial about having Bipolar for 6 or 7 years now. I research to find anything else it could be. Started and stopped my medicine, going on 3 times. I just started them again last week. I'm finding that they aren't working as well and I'm going to see a Dr. next week. Before going back on I...