Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I have been a widow for 8 months now. Read my journal and you will know about my marriage and everything else in my life that I know about to this day. I'm still learning more as it comes out. I hate the holidays as it is. The only holiday I love is Halloween. No one gets together and fights, no one is unhappy because they did not get what they wanted, no one misses anyone on Halloween really. This is my first holiday season without my dad and my husband. My husband use to have me make this great big meal for thanksgiving. This year I didn't make it. We went somewhere. He would have me decorate the house and put the tree up the day after thanksgiving. I haven't even gone to storage yet to get the stuff out. According to my journal I was going to but I must have gotten sidetracked. I really would like to run away somewhere or crawl under a rock and hide until January 4th. January 3rd would have been my husbands birthday. Do you know I bought him a present. I got home took it out of the bag and then I had the thought of why did I do that. After 8 months you would think I would know he is not coming back. Given the abuse I endured for 20 years you would think I would not miss him right.It's such a strange place to be in. To miss someone at the holidays who was not a nice person but I guess its because they were here.Sorry for venting!!
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
I totally understand what you're going through. My signifigant other passed away about 10 months ago after he died I found out alot of things about him that would make the average person think I'd be glad he was out of my life ( he had been cheating on me with several different women AND even though we'd been living together for 7 years I found out he was still maried.)
Anyway, I haven't been looking forward to the holidays because I feel like there's some weird requirement to be happy even if you're not.
Yesterday my son and his wife were helping put out some decorations, (even though I don't care if I have them out they thought it would be nice to do this for me) and they pulled out my boy friend's Christmas stocking that I had made for him on out first Christmas together..I lost it, cried and cried...
I would be very happy to run away somewhere until January but unfortunately I can't.
Anyway I just wanted you to know I understand and you're not alone.
Sue
Actually, the holidays aren't much different for me, grief-wise. I'm still suffering and depressed so much since my partner passed last May.
Although I've done a lot to help myself, it is still so devastating and life-altering to lose the love of your life so suddenly. Sometimes I wish I was dead too.
James
I was married for 20 years to a husband who could be verbualy abusive and was unfaithful.
After his death I was full of anger and the anger was even more painful to deal with.
But after a year and a half I have adjusted to a positive life alot more then I ever thought I would.
Now I have a sense of deep peace within.I have come through several stages of grief and healing.When I look back into my life as it used to be I was anxious a lot and nervous.However I do miss the good side of my late husband.
After all 20 years is a long time to share your life with another.
Things will get better for you dear one.It takes time to get used to a life change..just give yourself some more time.
I kept a journal for the first year after my late husbands death.Its helped me to untangle my mind and say the things I felt within that was so very private.
Maybe it would help you too.In the meantime venting is the good medicine.So dont apologize for needing to unwind.Thats what we are here for.
Your friend!
Rachel