I have been with a widow now 3+ yrs and she lost her husband 5+yrs ago. All was very wonderful in the beginning, but I had issues with some of her strong memorials-he was a fireman killed by equipment failure so a lawsuit followed last year and a lot of TV interviews in our life and I just found out I am codependent and that didnt help! We love each other and our kids love each other. Lived together until last March-I miss everything and realize all my wrongs. I got needy and let everything intimidate me. She wanted my support and we worked hard on the relationship off and on. She was still seeing me after I moved out, but 2 months ago I could tell something was wrong. She finally told me she didnt want to see me anymore! She was done riding the rollercoaster! I was crushed, as we always worked it out. I left her alone for the most part as she was very set on not talking about it. She did this before and she appreciated the time and me not hounding her.She has this strong defense mechanism and she does not let me know she is hurting-until recently. She told me she does still love me and misses me and cries too! We have e mailed and texted, but I got the nerve to ask her to the movies Thursday. It was great, but I had to have more-I managed a very nice hug and a kiss or two. She was open and honest saying she is screwed up and knows she will lose me because it isnt fair that I keep waiting! I have tried to act like I am dating and moving on, but she knows me too well. She knows I am lost without her! Friday after was horrible because I thought we would maybe see more of each other. But I asked her and she was busy Fri. and Sat she was going on a floatrip with friends-our friends!! I let that hurt me because it is like she is content being alone now. HOW can she just shut off?? She would see me more, but she knows it wont be enough for me(I think she is right!) I am working very hard on being happy with myself so I can love her again like I did in the beginning! I called her today and we talked very nicely and I tried to get her to put her feelings into words. She would like to be friends and do stuff-but she knows now that wont work. We care too strongly for each other and she would cave into my charms and seductions! She cant explain it other than to say she likes her life right now and being alone with her kids. She likes to do what she wants when she wants and doesnt have to answer to anyone. She knows that if she was in a relationship again she couldnt do that. She also mentioned the extreme differences between me and her husband as far as she did what she wanted with him, but also because he was out a lot drinking with other f/fighter and cops. She is glad i wasnt that way, though. I am very confused and lonely. Yes, i know I have to take care of myself, but I miss her and her kids and all the family stuff!! I do try to occupy my time, but I could never be like her and be happy alone right now!! Women are so much stronger when it comes to this! HELP!!!
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