Yesterday was my first birthday without Chris. Everybody tried so hard to compensate for him. The family took me out for dinner and I played along as if everything was okay. I felt so sad and alone the entire night. All I wanted to do was go home, crawl into bed, put his cologne on the pilow and hold it until I fell asleep. How can you be utterly lonely, and dsperatly sad when you are surrounded by loved ones? I know the pending holidays will be just awful. How do you cope?
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