Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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deleted_user 10/31/2007

I have searched the support groups in my area, and even tried one for "the young widows/widowers", but I am only 21, and my secret fiance, the absolute love of my life who I had a beautiful future with coming my way until he was killed in a car crash and never came to pick me up (I waited three hours until I called his parents and they told me he was dead).

Everyone else has all these memories, all this evidence of their life with their spouse, but I only have a few (relatively to 23 year marriages) memories, a few tokens he touched, not to mention I had no rights at all when he died because we kept our engagement secret for reasons. What I really have left is our dreams of what our life was going to be. He wanted to be a dad so much, we were going to make a lovely family...

Anyways, all I am asking is if there is anyone else who is in their 20's or 30's who didn't have 10 or more years of marriage under their belt and didn't have any warning the death was coming? My psychologist said maybe I could find a group of people in a similar situation online since it is not too common for 21 year olds to be engaged, none-the-less already lost that person....just kinda want to find people who can relate without those years of memories and a whole house to prove to them their love really happened....

Thanks

deleted_user 10/31/2007

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss... I was 26 when my partner died "unexpectedly". We had been together for only 3 years... If you EVER want to talk, Im here. ((HUGZ))

deleted_user 10/31/2007

Well I was only engaged 11 days when my fiancee left completely unexpectedly. I luckily had 7 previous years to spend with her and I'm grateful for every minute. We had such long term plans together, talking houses we wanted, where we were going to live, shopping for items we were going to have, etc. I know the feeling of having your dreams snatched away from you so hit me up if you ever need to chat at someone.

deleted_user 11/05/2007

Hello, my husband and I were together for 3 1/2 years we did live together and had a child together and his death was expected as he had cancer but still I am only 29 (27 when he passed) and its not easy.

deleted_user 11/05/2007

Hello. My name is Kara. I am 21 years old and my husband of 3.5 months was KIA in May. We got married on valentines day (while he was home on leave)and he went back to Iraq on the 17th of Feb. We only spent three days together as husband and wife.

I also did not have any rights when my husband died because all of the military paperwork was filled out before he left and he could not give me rights at that time because we were not married yet, so (although nothing is ever exactly the same) I do know how it feels to not be included.

When I have a really bad day (as we all do), I just remember that even though no one else seems to understand, I do. I know how much we loved each other and that is more important than what anyone else thinks. Don't let anyone or anything else take that away from you.

I am always here if you need to talk.

deleted_user 11/06/2007

I was never married and my boyfriends death was the last thing that I could have ever imagined. We were together for 6 years and he died in a car accident in Sept. I had only talked to him 6 hours before it happened. He was so happy to be comming back home to be with his family. I didnt find out that he died until two days later when the police showed up at his parents house. Its still hard for me to beleive that it was him because i was the last person he talked to. I can relate in a way to you and the whole 10+ years of memories people have because I am asking my self every day why couldnt he have fought to be with me so we could have gotten married and really started a life together other than just having memories of an apartment that I no longer live in.

deleted_user 11/06/2007

HI ,
I am 25 years old. I completely understand how isolated you feel in this situation because there are few people in our shoes.
The love of my life was killed on aug 25th when he was struck by lightning. I too feel that i have lost all my dreams for the futur. He was my entire world . I still have no idea i how can possibly survive without him.
I find it very hard to relate to anybody, even other grievers. I get angry at people for not understnading how it feels. FOr not having to feel this pain.

deleted_user 11/07/2007

Hi I'm 25 yrs old. I met my fiance when I was 19. We dated for 3yrs and we lived together for another 3 for a total of 6 yrs. We were suppossed to get married this year in Hawaii. I miss him so much he was the love of my life. He left me with so many unanswered questions. He died in an accidental gun wound while showing it to one of his friends. I was upstairs when it happened and I don't think I'll ever be the same.

deleted_user 11/26/2007

Hi im really new to all of this but i have a similar story. I was 19 when i lost my boyfriend (im 20 now) very suddenly. I spoke to him on the phone half and hour before he died, he talked about how he couldn't wait to see me the next day. I still feel like im waiting for that day. The memories we all have are enough to know that love really happened. Just gotta hold on tight to them and realise that no1 around you will fully understand how much love you had for him. I think its just important that u know how you feel. Please talk to me whenever you like. Hope you are ok, kate xxx

deleted_user 11/26/2007

Hey! I'm in your boat! I'm 24, 2 month old son, lost my boyfriend 3 months ago very morbidly! We have a house and a dog and now a child together, we were together for 5 years. Read my profile and you can see the whole story if you want! Talk to ya later!
Nikki

deleted_user 11/29/2007

Hi there, I'm 27 years old and it has been nearly 3 months since my sweetie passed away. I still can't believe it - I keep expecting him to call or come in, give me a hug, kiss and say we love each other.

We had plans and now I don't know what to do with myself. Part of me also passed away 3 months ago. It just seem that when everything was going so great, something like this happened. It is not fair and I feel cheated of what should have been our life together.

I am here if you want to chat...

deleted_user 01/04/2008

Hi I am 23 I lost fiancee five years ago, when he was killed on his way home from work by a drunk driver. we had 5 great years together and was looking forward to get married the following year but it was not meant to be

deleted_user 01/06/2008

Hi im 33 yrs old and i lost my husband, when I was just 25, in a horrific accident with his father in Sept 99. (2 losses in one day) while i was 3 months pregnant with our beautiful daughter. there are still alot of unanswered questions about this day and will always remain a mystery to me. I DO know what u are goin through. I am here if u need to talk. Im in need of Support here as well :) Please feel free to add me to your list :)

My Motto for 2008
~ PATIENT..POSITIVE..STRONG ~

deleted_user 01/07/2008

hi, I am very sorry for your loss.. when Ayinson died.. he had gone through surgery and had gotten much better he had a brain an aneurysm at the age of 24, he was getting better was even sent home from the hospital after months.. and one night he was standing outside with his friends telling jokes.. one told a good one I guess.. he laughed too hard, his vain popped and he died. right then and there.. 24 years old.. a great man with a bright future.. he lived in Venezuela and I live in Nebraska, U.S. I new him since I was 8 years old.. he was one of my best friends.. the only reason we were not officially together was that he was there and I here.. although I do have many memories of us as younger people.. I dont have many resent ones besides all the phone calls while he was sick .. every day for 3 months and 2 to 3 times a week for an other 3 months.. I loved him so much!!! we had so many plans.. and its hard to believe they are just gone. those plans are just gone.. no fight, no problems.. they are just gone.. thankfully his family loves me.. and care for me a lot.. so at least I have that.. but nothing will replace him.. I miss him and love him every day.
carmen

deleted_user 01/07/2008

I am 24 yrs old and I lost my 26 yr old husband on Dec 15, 2007 (three weeks ago). We were only married for 1 1/2 yrs. I woke up that morning to find Vince dead. He died in his sleep and I won't be able to get any answers until March (12 weeks). It's hard and even harder because there is answer to his death right now. He loved life and we had goals set in place for our life together. We were going to build a house in 5 yrs and he was going to but a Dodge Viper in 9 yrs. It's not fair that your whole life and future is ripped away from you in just one second. It's hard to even imagine life without that him. I do get jealous of people married for years. Everyone assumes widow(er)s are older, young widow(er)s are such a small population.

deleted_user 07/22/2008

You know it's not just "short timers" that run into that problem. We were coming up on our 8th anniversary when Paul suddely collapsed and died in our driveway. I did CPR 911 the whole thing, but they couldn't save him. He was just 52, but despite our history together; we were both disabled veterans and spent every day all day together, his son told me that I shouldn't have gotten anything that was Pauls. His mother (Pauls'l Ex) should have gotten all me had. I have lost 1/2 our income and somehow need to find a way to survive.But his family not feeling that I was a real part of his like wounds me deeply. Amy

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