Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

Afraid I'll forget about him

deleted_user
deleted_user
I am so afraid that I will forget about my husband Bobby. I'm afraid I'll forget all the little things you take for granted every day when they're here. I keep a notebook.....and when I think of something small.....I write it down. For myself and for my kids. I think it will make good stories down the road when the kids are older. Our boys probably won't remember much about him (which is so hard for me to think about) since they are only 4 and 5. I was telling my 5 year old the other night how we used to take him to the beach and he started crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said, "I don't remember that." I try to talk to them as much as possible and remind them of the fun things they did with Daddy to keep their memories fresh in their mind.
It's weird because he's been gone for only a month but sometimes it feels like it's been 6 months. We've never been apart for more than a few days and maybe that's why. Other times it feels like he was just here yesterday.
Does anyone else write down their memories? Am I the only one that is afraid of forgetting?
Nicker07
Nicker07
In the beginning for some reason I freaked out because I could not remember what his face looked it. I had to find a photo to see it, it scared me. As time went on I remember it more in my mind, but still keep photos out, am making a scrapbook for my grandkids.
He was such a Great Grandpa to them
jerseydebbie
jerseydebbie
I was so afraid of that too, but guess what? You don't. There comes a time when you remember every little detail without any effort. I could be focused on a project and some little something will come into my head and tug at my heartstrings.

What does bother me is that I don't remember his voice. I wish I had been able to keep his cell phone greeting. It would have been priceless.
Jdslas
Jdslas
I had the same fear too. What I started doing shortly after he passed away is I would write down things that would pop into my head about my husband, or some of his funny sayings. He had such a dry sense of humor. That helped me a lot. I didn't trust my memory down the road. I also wish I had his voice on tape. That's what I fear I will forget.
tskks
tskks
I don't think you will ever forget him but it's a great idea to write it all down. It helps with the grief process and will be something your children will treasure. And it will bring you great comfort as time goes on.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree about writing thing down. I am so glad I started doing that 5+ years ago because I do think that would have forgotten some things.

Sadly the twins ARE starting to forget Ruth. It is nearly 1/3 of their life ago since Ruth died so I should not really be too surprised. It does hurt a bit though.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I just went through this, and I frantically put up lots of large pictures of Mike and our family in all the rooms of the house. Then I got pictures taken of my two grown daughters, myself, and my grandson and added them to the mix. It is a reminder that life moves forward, yet the past lingers and will always be there. My mind isn't ready to write down memories--why?- I don't know, maybe I'm afraid I'll never stop, maybe it's because I'm afraid I won't remember enough. I find that nature, pictures, my daughters' expressions, and other unexpected happenings in my life trigger wonderful memories, so I've relaxed on this subject. I know my Mike will always be with me and the memories will come when I least expect it. I pray for peace to your heart.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You will never forget the memories. They will come up when you least expect them.

It took me awhile to get past the hard time of his illness, but the good memories did come.

I kept a journal after he died to help remember the good times.

Hugs, Holly
deleted_user
deleted_user
As Holly said, it also took me a long time to get past the memories of the illness, for the fog to lift, and the excruciating pain to begin to ease. The happy memories are slowly coming back and I don't think I will ever forget them. I can sometimes think of him with a smile instead of tears. I think it is a great idea to journal, etc. to be able to share memories with family. Take care, Sandra
deleted_user
deleted_user
I was the same as Nicker07. I recognized Scott in a picture, but for the life of me, I couldn't find his face in my memory. He had cut his hair short for the first time in years, and I couldn't remember how that was either. That fog hides a lot of memories though, and as it lifts, they come back. Almost like turning a page in a book, each day brings a new memory. It will be OK.
IClaimTheCross
IClaimTheCross
I have been journaling since I can first remember. In crayon, no less at first and it has been my sanity keeper. It's a place where I can open up and I know that the page will listen to every word. I can ramble freely without pressure allowing me to unclutter my concious mind. Many times I think I should put it all together into a book and halfway have, but out of respect for family (surely more respect than they have ever given me) it has been for my eye's only so far. It has been soothing to let some of it out in here and another group I belong to. The pain of dark secrets can be so debilitating.
missingmyabby
missingmyabby
At first I had similar concerns but, As Time Goes By the memories come back, the sound of some one's laugh, the way she flips her hair, any little thing can bring back a flood of memories. Listen, I'm no good at being noble, but I remember and so will you, and we always will. Here's looking at you kid.
Unless you want a good cry, don't watch that movie!
Ken
deleted_user
deleted_user
I found a short video of my husband in which he is playing with the dogs, When I want to hear his voice, I play it over and over.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It will soon be 4 years for me. I have the opposite problem. Not a problem really but feeling I should say! I remember him so well and he never leaves my thoughts everything I do reminds me of him and makes me ache to see him again. I sometimes wish for a moment to enjoy something that doesn't bring a memory with it. It is hard to go onto a future when your past is always in your head.
Community Leadermarjoe
marjoe
Jennifer - you won't forget. The time you spent with your husband, the good memories, the love - it's all still there. This happened to me, too. and I did as you did in the beginning- wrote down everything I could remember, for fear I would lose it. Not likely! Hugs, Marsha
deleted_user
deleted_user
You will never forget all of the little things. Like the waqy it felt when he touched your hand or your hair. You won;t even forget how he smelled especially after he shaved real close just for you to go out together. It is hard to remember at first but it will all come back to you and make you cry like it does everyone.
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