I find myself talking like a truck driver lately. I say whatever helps you get it out. I seem to be angry quite a bit not at my husband, but at every situation that comes up. I really don't care if I shock people. I think this is another normal phase in this journey. So !@#@$$&^n away is what I say.

I have never really been one for euphemisms- I tend to dislike them as what do they really mean? I generally use the term "died" as opposed to "passed away"- so I don't think it shocks people more that the statement of fact .

If it does - I am sorry but really for me it is right.

Do and say what feels right for you.

Debbie

I don't have enough control right now either to worry if other people are uncomfortable. I just say he is dead! I think we have the right to say whatever we need to.

Mine is not a matter of control as such - it is a choice- I really don't see the point in euphemisms- and I know from my own point of view I would feel no less comfortable if told someone had died rather than passed away.

It is not something that has varied for me - I have always been of the same mind. I don't swear - or curse as you guys tend to call it - just tend to say it as it is.

Debbie

Debbie

My kids think that I smile when I meet someone I know, and then I tell them that Tom has died. They get mad at me. I am the same way about blurting it out to others and sometimes I get embarrassed, but it's like I want everyone to know that I am in pain. Like when my father passed away, I went to the store, and I thought I was going to get on the speaker ( you know, spill on isle 7) and announce it to the whole store that my father passed away. It is the emotions that we are feeling, and I think it is normal. I don't like to use the phrase "Passed" It needs to have "Away" with it. It sounds too much like "Passed Gas". I use the phrase, " Died". I do however, watch for the looks on their faces, and it is sick, but I like to see the reaction. It is just the little quirks I guess about being widowed. Hugs~Shelley

I was just thinking this morning about how I have changed my speaking habits. The man who takes care of my yard was saying something about how Rodger would want something done and I said well Rodger is dead now isn't he and this is what I want. The poor guy didn't know what to say. Diane

Funny this was asked. I just realized Sat I told the man at the Restore "I lost my husband 6 months ago" It felt funny, I stopped and realized that is what I have been saying "I lost ......." not died or passed away.

i have hard time with died, although i know physically it is what it is. i still need to think he just passed into the next stage, where i will meet him again someday, so i tend to say passed on. again another personal choice i guess

One day I ran into an old acquaintance in the grocery store. She asked how Ross and the kids were doing. When I told her he had "been gone" for almost a year she looked shocked. She said how sorry she was and then asked me if my divorce was final yet or if he ever saw the kids! That was the last time I used terms like "passed" or "gone." Now I simply say he died.

I got married again this past year to a widowed man. When we tell people we have been married less than a year they typically assume we are both divorced. So we always say we are two widowed people who are newlyweds -- and between us we've been married over 50 years! That certainly gets us some odd looks!!

I use the word passed, because I believe there is no death to the soul and it was my husbands soul that I was in love with. Sure the physical body is dead, but I still feel him with me and I know that one day, our souls will be together again in eternity. On the other hand, coming from a background of abuse, there are some in my family that are DEAD to me, and referring to them that way is just fine in my mind. Unless they have made major changes, I don't see them as souls that I would want to be near, ever again. I don't know if there is any such thing as a right or wrong way, but I think it reflects the relationships we have with the person or our own personal beliefs in eternity as to how we view and express the loss of someone close. You'll find a comfort zone one day, but it's always good to be mindful of the feelings of others, which you must be, since you have a question rolling around in your mind regarding this issue.

At two years I have yet to say the D word to others. I say, passed on. lost, passed away,been gone, anything but that. Not really sure why...although when thinking about it in my own mind I do use the termonology that he's dead or died.

@swindy - That's exactly what I'm doing... I shock the people around me.. There is no sugar-coating it... It's like I'm projecting my pain on these poor strangers that come into contact with me... it's terrible!

I always say he passed, or he is gone now. I can't bring myself to tell people he died. He did, but died sounds like such a cold word to me.

On a norm, I avoid the conversation at all costs. I don't like talking about it, and it isn't their business anyway.

I kind of waffled the first year or so, then, yes, I would say, Joe died. What's exactly so shocking about this? (And this is rhetorical, not a response to what you said, btw). Frankly, I don't really care what the response is to me saying, "he died". He did die. People will have to deal with it. So there it is, indeed.

Oh, and cursing? My mother is rolling in her grave. I use f--ck as an adverb, noun, adjective and verb. Frequently. I mean, WTF????