I am older but faced this last Sept. I had a partial radical vulvadectimy (spelling). The doctor was able to leave the clitoris but the vulva is small, flat and short. I have a lot of numbness due to nerve endings being cut. I was recently widowed and am frightened about meeting someone new and having to explain my new look. I don't know if it will happen or not but I am alive. I did not need chemo or radiation and the doctor says all is good and I shouldn't have to worry about reoccurance.
We must count our blessings. We must stay strong and keep our faith. There is a story about a man who complained that he didn't have shoes until he saw a man who had no feet. This isn't pleasant but it could be worse..remember that and crawl out of your hole. You can do it...look Spring is just around the corner.
ps my doctor says I can still have intimacy..what has your doctor told you?

I was 40 when I had my surgery and my kids were 8 and 11 at the time. My main concern was that they still have a mother. That was five years ago but I still remember how bad I felt after the surgery. I had a bad infection afterwards as well. I felt deformed and exhausted and sore and depressed. Then I had to have radiation which put me into menopause which I really wasn't prepared for.

I'm not sure what your situation is as far as prognosis or other treatment you've had but it sounds as though you're going to be ok as far as not having a recurrence.

The sexual side of things is different. Being in menopause has played havoc with my libido but things are way better than I expected them to be and still getting better. Work in progress.

The emotional side of things takes a little longer to get better than the physical but it does get better. I used to think about it every day and brood a lot. I know it sounds cliche but you really need to put yourself in a positive state of mind. Your health is good and although your family and friends may not understand what you're going through specifically, they can be a huge help in keeping your spirits up. Get back into doing what you normally do every day as soon as you can. I can remember going back to work afterwards and thinking that, as stressful as work can sometimes be, I was glad to be able to go back. I had a friend and co-worker who was battling cancer when I went back. He died nearly two years ago and went to work through chemo and was so positive through it all. He lived every day to the fullest. We shared a love of music and playing guitar and I'm starting to cry just thinking of him.

You have a lot to look forward to and a lot to be thankful for. Every day is a gift. That's why they call it the present. I don't know if I made you feel better or not but hang in there. There will come a day that you when you will feel normal again.

First, about intimacy with a new person. I personally was worried about how my boyfriend would deal with my "new look" but he just said it was just different landscaping and for that I am very fortunate. I cant imagine starting a new relationship now, but if I did, I think I would just throw it out there, and if he runs, then he isnt worth the time anyway.

About the depression....I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 11 years ago, so this diagnosis was not half as scary for me. The attitude I took was that I have this, and it is being removed, and I may look different, but I am still the same person. I am more nervous about it returning and going through the surgery again.

I hope that you have found someone that you can confide in and share your fears. I will never downplay your fears, because they are certainly valid.

Hang in there!

My surgery is coming up. But I think doing things now like meditation, painting my nail, heck even putting lotion on can be papering. Perhaps making a keef better distraction bag with something to read, word finds, favorite drink, stationary to write notes. Hand held games like plaing words with frineds on your phone. friends are strangers and it is like scrabble taking turns. I bought new PJs I feel pretty in and some new sun dresses. Laughter is great. Keep a laugh list where you keep track on funny things that happen that make you laugh. The slushie condoms went on my laugh list. I understand people dont know what to say but maybe you keep a folder where you can keep words of encouragement or notes ect. So on hard days you can pull out things that lifted you up. It could be soemone saying your a great frined or did a great job on a project at work whatever boosts your self-esteem even if it is unrelated to this specifically is important to remind you of your value as a whole person beyond your vulva or the vessel (body) that carries who you are as a person. You might also keep a book or comics in your bag. Or a travel magazine for a future goal/trip. Just remeber you are not alone. We are here for you.

Hopelynn - what a beautiful post - many thoughtful ideas which work for any tough time in our lives.

Thank you ladies for all the wonderful advice!

This whole journey has just been a whirlwind of emotions. The changing point for me came when I talked to a massage therapist (really I broke down into a blubbering mess when she asked how I was feeling). Up to this point I was sugar coating things for my friends and family. I told her I had been trying to keep a journal but that I was disappointed in myself because every entry was the same. She told me that I had to stop judging myself and how I was feeling. She said that no matter if its the same thing every day I need to write it down and let myself FEEL. She said I needed to let myself mourn the lymphnodes taken and the vulva that was removed so that I can accept and love my new body. I'm not as worried anymore about how a future partner is going to view my body. If they are right for me then they will see my strength in going thru this. I've incorporated so much of what everyone here has suggested. Its important to always keep in mind that we are blessed and yes this isn't an ideal situation but as its said God will only give you what you can handle.

@meekame - it sounds like we had very similar surgeries. I also didn't need chemo or radiation and my doctor also says that I shouldn't worry about reoccurence. My first follow up appointment is next month. I'll ask her then about intimacy. I'm kind of nervous about this appointment but I need to keep faith that all will be well.