I've just been invited to a school reunion. I won't go because of my size. My sane part will say, go it's you they want to see, my insane part says, they'll be talking about how fat you've become...Life on hold until (I)get control of my weight. Oh yes I just remembered I'm unable to control my weight.

I understand.

A friend of mine said exactly the same problem and said she needed every kind of suction to look presentable before she went to her reunion. But if statistics for the UK are correct one in three people are obese so if there are 100 people at your reunion then there are are going to be another 32 people (besides yourself) that have the same problem. If people didn't go because of size there wouldn't be anyone at these reunions. Actually life doesn't stop because of our problem it just goes on without us - just a thought my friend. I had a problem recently going to a birthday party as I didn't know people as I felt that people would look down on me as I was fat - okay we didn't go because hubby didn't know anyone really so I got out of it but who cares what people who I may never see again think.

My BIL is planning a surprise b-day party for my sister. It's at the end of March. I haven't seen her since her wedding, a year ago. When I saw the e-mail, my first thought was, "OMG, I have less than two months to get this weight off, or how can I go"?!
That's just plain foolish!

A very close friend that I haven't seen in quite some time, recently invited me to meet her for lunch. The day that we were suppose to meet I called to tell her that I was ill. That last time I saw her face to face I was 20 pounds lighter. I felt like such a failure, she was so proud of me for losing weight before.

I'm going to a funeral on Thursday. If I think about my appearance, and I probably will, how self-absorbed is that? No matter how little I weigh, I will always have heavier thighs. I'm constantly comparing my thigh size with other woman. Talk about stress.

When I go into a social situation, the first thing I do is check to see if there's anyone fatter than me! If there is, I feel more comfortable. How's that for a nut case?

In social situations usually there is no one fatter than me. My current weight is 344. This is down about 30 pounds too. All I can do is keep working the program and keep on keeping on. As to the question about not acting sanely when limiting my social life. Well, we moved here almost 2 years ago and I only have one aquaintance here. I don't do social life very well at this point although I did get out and socialize a little this weekend. Generally I prefer not to socialize. I know I should but it's hard when you don't know what to do an there is nothing you are interested in about town (clubs etc to join). My bipolar issues also have something to do with my lack of socialization but that is sort of a different issue.

JavaFirst: I want to acknowledge your release of 30 pounds.
Keep coming back to our group, reading and sharing yourself with us.
You are a special part of this group.

Yeah really, 30 pounds is great! You should be proud of that and try not to judge yourself harshly. I can relate to what you say, because I don't get out and socialize as much as I would like. I'm also bipolar, so I know how that makes it harder!

As for me, if I feel like I'm not looking good or if I don't have anything to wear, I'll often skip a party or other social event. I also have a hard time seeing friends who I haven't seen in a while because I've gained a lot of weight over the past few years=(

We live in an age that demands perfection,how sad and shallow is that? Where it's ok for girls as young as 14 getting liposuction and breast implants. I love that record by TLC, Unpretty. Who has the right to make us feel anything less the the beautiful women we were created to be! Ok, I say that when I'm having a good day. I'm not at the weight I'd like to be but for today I'm learning to look after myself and hopefully like Java first start releasing some of the weight. One day at a time!

I have to put a boundary around my mind and heart to prevent advertisements/articles that tell me I'm not enough if I don't have, do, get, etc. The advertisements are so sneaky with their not so subtle messages. Resist, resist the temptations that want to destroy our self-esteem.

I would say the main way I've limited my social life is by making myself so sick, out of shape and tired that I'm not up to or able to go out. Any active social activities are pretty much out of the question now because I end up so fatigued or out of shape.

I still hate social situations and very rarely enjoy them unless I know people there. I can't seem to get my head around the saying that a "stranger is just a friend you do not know", really I would rather be at home doing something else than engaging in small talk, but then I know how lonely that can be. Hmmm maybe I will get it right one day.

Right now I'm struggling because I was a personal trainer for 3 and a half years and was in pretty good shape, even though I never ever thought so. Battles with chronic diseases have left me not looking like the trainer I was. So for various reasons, I left training in Nov '09. I hate going out now and seeing folks I know because they usually ask me, "Are you still training?" and I want to say, "Duh, look at me! What do you think!" I know I can't let vanity take over, I'm still the same girl on the inside regardless of the packaging. I'm putting my life on hold again, waiting for that big break and THEN I'll live my life, oy!