I am in kind of the same boat... I don't have kids yet but my husband plays on the Computer all the time... he will play all day why I'm at work and then when I get home he will still be playing until like 4am... I just don't get it and he does not understand that it hurts. I joke around that the computer is the other woman in our marrage!

your not alone my hubby plays eve on line and totaly forgets me.. and it hurts so much ...sometimes i think the computer is more important then me...

I am in the same boat. I just recently got married a couple months ago. My husband said that after we got married he didn't want to play games that much. He sold his game which was great but then he just started playing another one. I dread the days that a new game comes out. It's really hurting our relationship. I offered to go to counciling but he just says he doesn't need it. WHat can I do? I need help

ok I hate this but i have to tell you the truth. I recoved from the addiction. I gamed my whole life. I am 31 now so from the age of 8 till the age of 30 I gamed all the time. there are a lot a reasons why they can not give it up. But they all go through this filter first and I am sorry for this. They love themselves more.
Not you or the kids themselves
Were LOVE ourselves more.
Now did I say we did not love our wives or kids nope cause that is not true. We do love you.... but we love ourselves more.
You have no way to reach them cause your not first. Say all the truth you want and point out all the real facts you want he will still play.

Only options none are good. Live with it play with him and throw your life away as well. I did not think so thats his wet dream.

Leave him kick him out get ride of him and not support their behavior. Every day you do not take this stance you enable them to keep playing. You got married to have a partner in life. He is not he will ride on your coat tails for ever as long as you let him. i bet he is real nice to you some times real nice. then he has sex then wow hes back to gameing feel used? Well you were and will continue to be so. So the choice is yours be ok with him loveing himself first or not. Be ok with teaching your children your boys that it's ok for daddy and them when they grow up to do what ever the hell they please and give the left overs to the family.

I am sorry but blunt is all i have left. We don't deserve our wives were broken and only we can fix ourselves not even with you crying in the door way pleading like my wife once done. I am so ashamed i mocked her and pushed her out of the room cause she got in front of my screen. I wish i could go back instead of playing every second i could. I wish i would have planed great dinners our well thought out dates with tons of surprises. Left notes of how I loved her and how I wanted her. Kissed for hours so much so wel feel asleep after hours of kissing and never had intercourse but some how felt even more satisfied as we drifted of to sleep in each others arms. No this will not happen for you till they hit rock bottom and have to stare at them selves in the mirror and hate what they see. With you there he will never feel that low.

I am sorry. You know this is true and what lies ahead is scary and dark. I am hear for you should the next steps be hard and need a shoulder. I offer you what my ex never had. A friend who cares and understands this all.

My husband is obssessed with DAoC. He has a full time job, but once he's home, after kissing me and changing clothes, he's logging onto the game and will sit there until time for bed, which he'll try to stretch as far as possible. If I try to talk to him while he's playing, he either will only hear part of what I'm saying or won't hear at all.

I've tried many ways over the years to get him to prioritize and take responsibility for his obsession, and with a lot of trial and error, we've finally found a method that seems to be working for the most part, and has been for about 1.5 years now.

I realized first of all that his enjoyment of the game doesn't mean he doesn't love me. And truth be told, of all the avenues he could pursue in recreation and entertainment, at least this one keeps him home instead of going out to a bar, pool hall, clubs, or whatever. He's home with his family, and the expense of a yearly subscription to DAoC is cheap compared to what he could be spending on recreation. So I decided to get my own subscription and join him ingame sometimes. And I'm glad I did that, because I do enjoy playing, but now I can talk to my husband about a common subject we both like, and he seems to be quite happy and proud that his wife plays with him. And best of all, he seems to be treating me with new respect and a renewed level of friendship, as well as being his wife. He's told me he likes being able to talk to me about different things in the game. And now he's trying harder to prioritize life and not be logged on all the time. I'd made a request of him to please not log onto DAoC until 2 hours after he comes home, so that we could have some "our time together" to eat or watch tv or do things we need to get done, or whatever. We compromised in that he understands my need to have him outside the game, and that I understand the game and how much fun it can be, and will give him basically uninterrupted time ingame, as long as he doesn't procrastinate on real life things he needs to do. And he's also agreed to log off and come to bed by a certain time (a half-hour window), and with only a couple of exceptions, has stuck to that.

So by learning to play the game myself, and actually enjoying it, I was able to relate to my husband on another level that he responded to and appreciated. I love that he shares game stories or news with me, and he loves that I like talking to him about it. And that has led to us finally being able to talk about other things -- non game-related -- in normal conversations also. Having the common online game interest opened a door and we can now talk about anything, and he really appreciates that I understand why he likes his game. And because of our compromises which includes me giving him some nag-free time to play, he in turn shows his appreciation by lessening the time he's actually playing now.

Another cool thing? I've gotten pretty good at DAoC myself now, and when I do play, I can play either in his group or do something else ingame, and we're both happy with the arrangement. :)

What you say is true about playing an d entering his world makes it better. Of course it did. Thats every players wet dream. Most laidies don't have the free time to play. Nor even the desire. They sit there and is unfun and feels like such a waste a time. So can that help sure but not if it hurts the women to her core. I am happy you found your solution. I know that it was a option but most can't do that. They have children work house hold chores and the hubby is not doing a thing but comming home and playing. She is not reaching him. If she did play and got into it like these men were playing who would take care of the children and cook clean and help with home work. Or do we get the whole family to play? Your cure that is working for you is only a option for a very few. Lucky you it was one for you. I am happy for the way your life is rolling now much beter then being alone : )

Blackmox you seem very sinacle about gaming and yet you yourself play or have played. My husband is not to the extreme of what you have mentioned. He does stop and go out with me and do other things but I still feel like 4 or 5 hours of videogames is still way too much. I just wanted help with suggestions on if there was any help like clinics around here that really take videogame addiction into consideration? I really dont think its just a game I think not to sound like a conspiracy theorist or anything, but that the government has something to do with this. I mean almost all of the new videogames out now have to do with guns and killing people...can you say de-sensititization?

Sorry to come in here and bust some bubbles but I would be very wary of Blackmox, his trend is to come and be supportive of women who are having problems with their husbands. Remember all you hurting ladies, and I mean this with the most due respect, internet predators do not only go after children. There are men out there who troll support forums looking for emotionally vulnerable women. Just please becareful. And Blackmox, sorry man, but the way you read and respond just triggers a gut response that makes me very wary of you, your true motives and intentions. Ladies I am sorry you have problems with your spouses and their gaming. I only wish you the best and would hate to see you victimized.

Yes, I had already noticed that about Blackmox as well, and how what he was saying flys against all the research done in this field, and was going to mention it, but decided to let it pass because all the women here seem to be sharp enough to be not listening to him.

I wanted to post a link here to a site that I think many of you would find helpful or at least interesting in understanding this role of MMORPG game addiction, and some possible things that might help. It's called The Daedalus Project, and has been ongoing for several years, and it's purpose is to study the world of the MMORPG gamer, to understand everything about the world, and the people who play it. There are many studies of why some players become obsessed or addicted, and the effects this has on their families and occupations in the 'real world'. There are a great many different articles on different aspects of that world that you might find useful. Here is a link to one specifically being talked about in this thread:

http://www.nickyee.com/daedalus/archives/001544.php
And that link goes to an article titled: Understanding and Dealing with Gaming Problems: A Q&A with a Therapist. A therapist speaks to the problems of addicted gamers, the wives and families of those who have an addiction, and much more. I think you would find it at interesting read. You may find some suggestions that could help you, you'll understand better about why someone gets addicted, and there are some do's and don'ts for wives/girlfriends/SO's who are trying to get their significant other to stop playing as much. It's worth reading.

Thank you very much with the information you provided, that is more what I was looking for when I came here. Looking for some solid information. I will go look at the website you have provided.

I can not believe my eyes when I read that attack on me. Made me feel very sick. I came here scared cause of the issues that bothered me most. Were very sensitive and hurtful. I walked in the word of hurt and posted it all in my journal. It is one thing to ask me why I am saying what I am saying. It is another to just blasts me when you did not even open my cover. I left it all to be seen. I always read over someones journal to get a feel of what is hurting them and where they are at in their life. I assumed every one did the same. I would love to help men and jump at the chance whenever I can. But men seldom reach up for help. So am I to hold back cause it is often women who reach up. I am sorry I am an equalist. We all need the same help. I gave my opinion on the subject. I do not want to pressure a single soul to do a thing only to inform. Thats the biggest thing I even try to suggest. Hold backpressure and make your choice. To always trust youre gut. If you read my journal and think of me this way then I cant do a thing about that. I know and feel nothing creepy about my intentions.

Last why do I care so much? I will tell you why. My ex-wife and I was in a world a shit and no one helped us at all. I use to be part of a church. I was active and did my best to help others. When we told them what was going on in our life. They pressured us to make peace when we were hurting so badly and to forgive the prep. Mean while our life was ruined and had all kinds of damage from what he did to us. They wanted us to wipe the slate clean. So he gets to ruin our lives then not have to help restore us to where we were. I hate this injustice and know the pain of being harmed and having no one care. Even worst then not caring adding more pain on top.

Finally I grew up in a tough naberhood as a child fought a lot. I know I lost plenty of them. Today the only thing back then that still hurts me was the words. They are powerful and you hurt me.

Last but not lest is I have one to testify on my behalf. My ex-wife is here. Her handle is Wonderwoman. So I have someone who knows me deeply here. Thanks again for making me feel sick to my guts.

One more thing. When I joined here to help me fight my addiction there was no one in here. I had to do it alone and it was not fun. I welcomed every one that came here. In hopes that we could support each other. It just so happend that through my Dr and my journaling i was able to up right myself. Again thanks for the slander.

I am mortified to see people outwardly attacking other people when we are supposed to be supporting and helping each other. Blackmox has spent hours talking with me and helping me to understand this addiction and how it is affecting my husband...It is sick to think that he is giving all this advice to pick up on vulnerable women, come on now.
He has been through this problem and is working on rebuilding his life and he is sharing his advice.
I agree that we should all be wary of predators but I don't think it is necessary to blackball this guy when all he is trying to do is help....

I could use some very well thought advice. My marriage is already rough all over and my video game addiction just adds to it. I dont play any pc games just console games. I can't ever find a job that will give me full time. I don't drive. and im making min. wage and we just recently had to move into our in-laws to save money for bills. my games were taken away by my wife and are at my sisters. however now that im here at the in-laws i have absolutely NOTHING to do. but eat and watch tv (I HATE TV) she won't let me ever play them untill i can prove to her that i can control myself. but i see it unfair in her process of doing this. she wants to first let me go a very very very long time of not playing them and when i get the back then i can prove to her that i can control myself by not playing them still!!! and when offered to play them i must turn it down thus seeming id still never play them rather i have them or not. is it fair for her to do this? or should i have some sort of right o have a limited play with them? instead of having something of mine taken away and never seen agian.

Well Ryith, it all comes down to the fact that you have an addiction. I'm sure you wife had good cause for taking the games away, and I'm sure she did it not out of spite but to improve a bad situation. The fact that you are ina troubled marriage, living with your in-laws and making minimum wage yet your main concern is video games is a testament to how addicted you are. In a nutshell, you've got to set your priorities straight. And since you aren't doing it it seems as though your wife is attempting to set them straight for you. It's only a matter of time before she decides you aren't worth the trouble and ends up jumping ship. If I were in your situation I would stay away from games, atleast until your have your own place and your relationship has improved.