Video Game Addiction Support Group
Game addiction is a form of psychological addiction related to a compulsive use of computer and video games. People suffering from this form of addiction may experience intense cravings to play the game and may also suffer symptoms of withdrawal when they stop playing the game. Meet with friendly, supportive people sharing their experiences with Video Game Addiction.
I just found these forums tonight, and I am hoping to hear from someone out there who had a really severe gaming addiction and actually successfully beat it. I want to know that it is possible- that it can be done- that there IS HOPE, because right now I have none.
I am I guess what you all term a "gamer widow", and let me tell you that description could not be more correct. Not only do I feel very alone, but the man I fell in love with and married is most definitely gone- I just hope not for good.
My husband has pretty much always spent a lot of time on the internet ever since we met, but I would not really say that he was addicted to it. He would read forums and news several times a day, but at least he would get off the computer to spend time with me, and the kids. We didn't really argue much back then, and were able to carry on conversations with one another.
Well, my husband likes PC games, but none of the games he has ever played has ever kept him on the computer very long. He would play them and get off (like people should). It wasn't ever anything that got in the way of life- until he found a game called "Enemy Territory: Quake Wars". He found the demo version online, and was immediately sucked in. He put himself on a wait list for the day that the full version was to be released, then made us drive down to the store THAT DAY to get it. Ever since then, there have been numerous nights when he has stayed up all night and past sunrise of the next morning playing. Anywhere from 8 to 12 hours straight. He has done this several times on nights where he had to work the next day, and then has been cranky all day or oversleeps and is late.
He does not spend any time with me and the kids anymore. If I can convince him to get off the computer and come spend time with us, he will barely last 15 minutes before telling me how "bored" he is and retreating back to his computer. Its reached the point that if he is not playing the game, he is talking about the game or thinking about playing the game. It has been like this for about 2 months now.
The scary thing is, we don't talk anymore at all. When we do, we fight. About everything. We fight about the way "I talk" and how the words I use make him mad, or that he doesn't want to get off the computer when dinner is ready, he will eat when he wants to. Now here's the real kicker- when he finally does come to bed (which I have been in alone for hours, attempting to make myself fall asleep over the sounds of him screaming commands into his headset) he will try to rest his hands in any one of a few "private places" on my body, which promptly wakes me up. He will then insult me because I tell him its late and I have to wake up alot earlier for work then he does- and he will start saying horrible things like he wants a divorce, and he never wants to have sex with me again, and that I can go f**k myself, and I better never touch him again. Can he HONESTLY think that he can disturb the harmony of the household, and everyone's sleep (he keeps my daughter awake with his 'headset yelling' too) and then just crawl into bed to some kind of steamy fantasy movie??
I mean, here I am being completely ignored. I am starting to feel like I do not exist or matter at all. It is starting to affect my performance at work- which is stressing me out. Any time I try to say anything to my husband, it is the wrong thing at the wrong time. When we fight, he will tell me to shut up, and then after a few minutes, he will say something like "You see how peaceful it is when you don't talk?" I really feel like not just "we" are slipping away, but that I am too.
To make matters worse, this is my 3rd marriage. We have been married for 6 years, and I would say until about 6 months ago, we were very happy. We just got approved for a home loan to buy our very first house. I am supposed to be thrilled about this, but how can I be? This is not the kind of life I had in mind when I said "forever". Plus, I am starting to think that either he prefers life in the game (like who his character is) or that he may be starting to think that the game is real. I am beyond worried. This is not the kind of life that I wanted for me and my kids. And my husband deserves better than this too. He admits that he is addicted, but from what I can tell, he does not plan on doing anything about it anytime soon, maybe even ever. He says "he is not ready" to quit yet.
I know that there is a bigger picture I am missing here. We used to be so happy (REALLY HAPPY) and now everything sucks. Our baby (who will be 2 in February) loves her daddy so much, but he is just so aloof to all of us. I feel bad that she is missing out on getting to know what a great guy he really is. I believe some of why he is stuck on this game has to do with the fact that our sex life has been a complete joke since our daughter was born (my fault, not his. My hormones have been all retarded and I pretty much completely lost my sex drive for about 18 months. It has just recently started coming back, then I find there is nothing for it to come back to.....) Another problem is that my husband's employer can not seem to find any qualified people to work that are not complete inexperienced morons. So with my husband being a manager and the company being understaffed for its workload, I know alot more is falling on him than he probably wants. He keeps saying he wants a vacation but knows he can't take it because the place would fall apart without him there. Its basically him and the owner doing everything carrying the other losers around. But at least before, he used to talk to me about work, and what was going on, and how "this guy did the dumbest thing" and now....I am lucky to get a vague and general "work sucked today".
I don't know if we are going to survive this one. This new house is about double of what we are paying now in rent. We have had to re-vamp our whole budget to see if it would be feasable, andit will be such a tight squeak, we won't be able to eat out, or go to the movies or do anything, not to mention handling unexpected emergencies. I mean, at least now, we are able to do that stuff, unwind if we want to. But when we can't, and he wants to....and he is working hard to pay for the house, then trapped in the house, no money to do anything else- I just forsee Mount Vesuvius about to erupt and bury us all.
Anyone and everyone out there. Sorry about the LONG post- but I have to ask....is there hope? What do I do to get through this in one piece? I am starting to feel very suicidal, and alone. I miss my husband's love and cute quirks. I miss family time. Its like someone just came and took it all away from me. Its like he looks THROUGH me now- I talk, but he doesn't hear anything I say, and his new catch phrase is "I don't care". What can I do to make sure that not only I survive this, but that my kids don't feel the backlash of this? i want to be there for my husband too. I mean, is there anything I can do to promote the death of this game (or at least a severe reduction in playing time) and the rejuvenation of my marriage? Anything that will help him want to return to reality? Any input and advice here would be welcomed.
Thank you for listening, and for being here. I am glad I found this forum- nice to know that there are other people that feel as alone as I do =(
I am I guess what you all term a "gamer widow", and let me tell you that description could not be more correct. Not only do I feel very alone, but the man I fell in love with and married is most definitely gone- I just hope not for good.
My husband has pretty much always spent a lot of time on the internet ever since we met, but I would not really say that he was addicted to it. He would read forums and news several times a day, but at least he would get off the computer to spend time with me, and the kids. We didn't really argue much back then, and were able to carry on conversations with one another.
Well, my husband likes PC games, but none of the games he has ever played has ever kept him on the computer very long. He would play them and get off (like people should). It wasn't ever anything that got in the way of life- until he found a game called "Enemy Territory: Quake Wars". He found the demo version online, and was immediately sucked in. He put himself on a wait list for the day that the full version was to be released, then made us drive down to the store THAT DAY to get it. Ever since then, there have been numerous nights when he has stayed up all night and past sunrise of the next morning playing. Anywhere from 8 to 12 hours straight. He has done this several times on nights where he had to work the next day, and then has been cranky all day or oversleeps and is late.
He does not spend any time with me and the kids anymore. If I can convince him to get off the computer and come spend time with us, he will barely last 15 minutes before telling me how "bored" he is and retreating back to his computer. Its reached the point that if he is not playing the game, he is talking about the game or thinking about playing the game. It has been like this for about 2 months now.
The scary thing is, we don't talk anymore at all. When we do, we fight. About everything. We fight about the way "I talk" and how the words I use make him mad, or that he doesn't want to get off the computer when dinner is ready, he will eat when he wants to. Now here's the real kicker- when he finally does come to bed (which I have been in alone for hours, attempting to make myself fall asleep over the sounds of him screaming commands into his headset) he will try to rest his hands in any one of a few "private places" on my body, which promptly wakes me up. He will then insult me because I tell him its late and I have to wake up alot earlier for work then he does- and he will start saying horrible things like he wants a divorce, and he never wants to have sex with me again, and that I can go f**k myself, and I better never touch him again. Can he HONESTLY think that he can disturb the harmony of the household, and everyone's sleep (he keeps my daughter awake with his 'headset yelling' too) and then just crawl into bed to some kind of steamy fantasy movie??
I mean, here I am being completely ignored. I am starting to feel like I do not exist or matter at all. It is starting to affect my performance at work- which is stressing me out. Any time I try to say anything to my husband, it is the wrong thing at the wrong time. When we fight, he will tell me to shut up, and then after a few minutes, he will say something like "You see how peaceful it is when you don't talk?" I really feel like not just "we" are slipping away, but that I am too.
To make matters worse, this is my 3rd marriage. We have been married for 6 years, and I would say until about 6 months ago, we were very happy. We just got approved for a home loan to buy our very first house. I am supposed to be thrilled about this, but how can I be? This is not the kind of life I had in mind when I said "forever". Plus, I am starting to think that either he prefers life in the game (like who his character is) or that he may be starting to think that the game is real. I am beyond worried. This is not the kind of life that I wanted for me and my kids. And my husband deserves better than this too. He admits that he is addicted, but from what I can tell, he does not plan on doing anything about it anytime soon, maybe even ever. He says "he is not ready" to quit yet.
I know that there is a bigger picture I am missing here. We used to be so happy (REALLY HAPPY) and now everything sucks. Our baby (who will be 2 in February) loves her daddy so much, but he is just so aloof to all of us. I feel bad that she is missing out on getting to know what a great guy he really is. I believe some of why he is stuck on this game has to do with the fact that our sex life has been a complete joke since our daughter was born (my fault, not his. My hormones have been all retarded and I pretty much completely lost my sex drive for about 18 months. It has just recently started coming back, then I find there is nothing for it to come back to.....) Another problem is that my husband's employer can not seem to find any qualified people to work that are not complete inexperienced morons. So with my husband being a manager and the company being understaffed for its workload, I know alot more is falling on him than he probably wants. He keeps saying he wants a vacation but knows he can't take it because the place would fall apart without him there. Its basically him and the owner doing everything carrying the other losers around. But at least before, he used to talk to me about work, and what was going on, and how "this guy did the dumbest thing" and now....I am lucky to get a vague and general "work sucked today".
I don't know if we are going to survive this one. This new house is about double of what we are paying now in rent. We have had to re-vamp our whole budget to see if it would be feasable, andit will be such a tight squeak, we won't be able to eat out, or go to the movies or do anything, not to mention handling unexpected emergencies. I mean, at least now, we are able to do that stuff, unwind if we want to. But when we can't, and he wants to....and he is working hard to pay for the house, then trapped in the house, no money to do anything else- I just forsee Mount Vesuvius about to erupt and bury us all.
Anyone and everyone out there. Sorry about the LONG post- but I have to ask....is there hope? What do I do to get through this in one piece? I am starting to feel very suicidal, and alone. I miss my husband's love and cute quirks. I miss family time. Its like someone just came and took it all away from me. Its like he looks THROUGH me now- I talk, but he doesn't hear anything I say, and his new catch phrase is "I don't care". What can I do to make sure that not only I survive this, but that my kids don't feel the backlash of this? i want to be there for my husband too. I mean, is there anything I can do to promote the death of this game (or at least a severe reduction in playing time) and the rejuvenation of my marriage? Anything that will help him want to return to reality? Any input and advice here would be welcomed.
Thank you for listening, and for being here. I am glad I found this forum- nice to know that there are other people that feel as alone as I do =(
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
In addition to the posts and other support on this community, there are a several other sites that you should also check into. The 2 main ones that I can recommend for direct support for people like you is www.GamerWidow.com that is specifically for gamer widows plus http://www.olganonboard.org/index.php?board=6.0 which is the message board for "I Need Help For Family Members and Friends of Gamers" in OLGA (On-Line Gamers Anonymous).
Also, if you are interested in learning about video game addiction, to try to understand what your husband may be going through, you can read mostly about people trying to recover from WoW at http://www.wowdetox.com/. In addition, OLGA has many message boards related to helping gamers in general such as the "I need Help for Gamers" board at http://www.olganonboard.org/index.php?board=4.0 .
I wish you the best of luck. However, one thing that I have also learned is that as painful as it may be, especially for somebody like yourself who is on her 3rd marriage, you have to look out for both yourself and your baby girl. I am not proposing that you leave your husband but instead just that you do not totally discount that possibility if you believe that he will not change. Nonetheless, I wish you the best of luck since I have also read quite a few stories of hard-core gamers (mostly on OLGA where I am most involved) who have managed to turn their lives around, but for some of whom it unfortunately only happened after they lost a lot, including their spouses in some cases.
By beginning the game, you're presented with a set of small goals that are somewhat challenging, but are certainly easy enough to complete with a little effort. Plus, by completing these goals, you get a small but worthwhile reward (in the context of the game). In the process of completing these small goals, you're presented with more. "Oh, just a little more effort and I could get such-and-such additional rewards."
It's like a domino effect; you can start the chain but it's not clear where the chain ends. In playing the game, I thought to myself that I'd quit after the next "small goal", but when I finished it, I thought "Yeah I oughta quit now, but geeze it would be nice to get that next little reward for tomorrow and acheiving that reward is pretty easy."
This was my EXACT line of thought at 10pm, midnight, 3am, and 5am, the only variations being "It's early enough I have time", "I oughta quit but a little longer please", and "Ah fuck I'm already way my bedtime, what the heck."
As for actual life responsibilities, I knew I'd be a little tired and grumpy at a job I hate .. so what? I figured the games weren't really a problem, just a pastime that makes the rest of my life more bearable.
Alljustillusion .. your husband may have admitted he has a problem, but I guarantee he classifies it about as serious as an addiction to shoes that some women complain about. In other words, he doesn't take it seriously and when he says "I'm not ready to quit", he really means "pfft .. you're blowing this way out of proportion." Consequently, he'll never believe you that he has a genuine, significant problem; it is a conclusion he can ONLY come to by himself. He does not realize the hurtful, bloody damage he is causing.
By trying to sleep through his screaming commands and allowing him to keep playing, you're justifying his belief that it's not a "real" problem by hiding that damage. Fighting with him is probably not the answer, but doing nothing about his actions certainly isn't the answer either.
When I first met him he had game nights with a friend. They had a falling out and he bought his own console. I almost wish they were friends again so it would go back to two - three nights a week...almost.
He complains about not spending enough time together because of my job. Saturdays' are usually spent with me doing house chores while he's in playing games.
He complaines about about getting fat because he doesn't do anything. His job is hard labor, but its the fact he comes home plays games and eats a whole bag of chips.
Because he is staying up so late to play, he's sleeping in everyday and it gets later and later. So now I'm getting to bed at 1am maybe 1:30, the alarm goes off at 6:15 and I'm hitting the snooze until 7am. Than I go back to sleep after he leaves, by my mid week I'm exhusted because I'm not getting the sleep I need.
I know about the screaming too. I have gotten to the point where I laugh at him. It's a FREAKING GAME!!!! Oh, and he broke a $50 controller because he got mad.
The painful breaking point usually comes where the person has a choice, where something significant enough in his life is put on the line. The thing is a true an addict will bury themselves in the game and not acknowledge the problem or the choice he has to make.
He needs to see that choice plain as day and know, really have battered into him what it will mean if he does not stop playing video games. Work is hard for him and he needs an escape, hes picked video, as I would so I cant blame him for his choice, you need a two pronged line of attack to this problem.
First find something equally distracting but which will engage him, you know him better than I do, is he an action junky or does he have a creative mind, does love to socialise in the game or compete? There tends to be four types of gamers:
Achievers, Socialisers, Explorers and Competitors, usually people are somewhat a mix of these factors but whatever he is getting from the game and escaping too really look for an alternative to get him hooked on and away from the game, preferably something you can do and experience together as a couple.
The other approach to fall back on is as I said the choice I was eluding to, tough as it is to put on the line, I sure wish people had been tougher on me as I was throwing everything away, time after time.
Examples might be a Sport, a LARP (live action roleplay), dancing lessons, going out for more meals together, joining a collectors club or community, paintball. I dont know you but whatever hes getting from the game, beside the obvious images from the screen, find an alternative in real life and give it to him.
The problem will be dull to him but very obvious to you, that the nature of the beast of this, video game addicts can sadly escape all to easily even the most devastating problems, putting them off or ignoring them completely.