Just wanted to let people know what I am going through and maybe talk to someone who knows what I am going through or understands. I just got out of the Army this past April with 2 deployments, one to Afghanistan and one to Iraq. The Iraq tour was pretty mild, just having to worry about IEDs the last 3-4 months I was there. The Afghanistan tour was pretty intense. I am also going through a divorce right now and fight almost everyday with childhood memories of sexual, physical, and mental abuse. I am so depressed at this point and feel no emotion except angry and hate. I get angry at the drop of a dime and hate almost everything in life. I don't think about suicide on a regular basis but I do think about it sometimes at my lowest points. I don't know if that is normal for someone to have those thoughts but they are there. I have been seeing a Vet counselor for about a month now and have been put on a low dose of Citalopram that the doctor said could take up to a month to actually start working. I don't know if I can wait a month for it to kick in. I have started drinking alcohol which helps and worsens problems. It helps at first by drowning and numbing me but after to much brings out unwanted memories and intense rage. I don't even know what joy is these days. If anyone wants to talk I am more than ready to open up, maybe not right away but I will. Thanks
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